Bernie Borges [00:00:00]:
Tim Hughes, welcome to the Midlife Fulfill Podcast, a vulnerable conversation.
Tim Hughes [00:00:06]:
Thanks, Bernie. I’m I’m I’m dreading this.
Bernie Borges [00:00:10]:
You’re dreading this. I know we we talked about that in the in the green room. We talked about actually when we we set up this conversation. And, so I didn’t twist your arm, well, maybe a little bit. I invited you. I encouraged you to share your story. Let me kinda tee it up a little bit for the listener. So you and I know each other through the professional circles that we’ve traveled in over the years, and it’s been several years.
Bernie Borges [00:00:34]:
I don’t know exactly how many, but we just meet a year ago. It’s been several years. And, in a conversation we had recently, you shared a story with me that clearly had a profound impact on you, your life, and I think it pertains to your legacy. And as you know, that’s one of my five pillars. Right? Health, fitness, career, relationships, and legacy. So, Tim, I just wanna invite you to share that story. We’ll have some some conversation around it, and I believe it begins with, unfortunately, your father’s funeral two years ago and something that you experienced. And I’ll turn it over to you.
Tim Hughes [00:01:17]:
Yeah. Thank you, Bernie. And I really appreciate you inviting me on. And I think it’s important that we always put ourselves out of our comfort zone. And, which is why I agreed to come on because I actually wanted to it it was interesting. I wanted to sort of to to to verbalize things as well. So so appreciate it. And I think it’s probably about fifteen years that we’ve known each other, but, who’s counting?
Bernie Borges [00:01:42]:
Time flies.
Tim Hughes [00:01:43]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, so yeah. So, I I you know, there’s a lot of being talked about purpose, and and I kind of thought, well, I need to think about my purpose. And I and I knew when I set up my business, eight and a half, nine years ago, that, you know, there’s a saying, isn’t there, that there’s two important days of your life, the day that you’re born and the day that you you know the reason why you were born. And I kind of muddled along thinking that was my purpose. I knew why I was born.
Tim Hughes [00:02:15]:
I was born to do what I do. And then, my father had dementia for, like, fifteen years. And so, in a way, I was very lucky because there’s a lot of people whose fathers, you know, they they have a heart attack and fall over or or whatever. Whereas, you know, I had time to basically tell him I loved him and hold his hand and and do all kinds of things, all the things I wanted to do. But but when he died, you know, as as I think a lot of people feel, it’s the end. And a lot of things you you suddenly feel that you you know, you there’s a there’s a there’s a certainty about it. Anyway, to to to the the story is that, you know, I went to his, funeral. You know, I I was the person, the youngest son, the the the the oldest one decided he didn’t want us to say anything.
Tim Hughes [00:03:02]:
So the youngest basically had to stand up and do the eulogy. And it was one of these eulogies eulogies. I it it just came to me. And I don’t know. You know? It just it it just kinda wrote itself. It was kinda, like, quite spiritual. Moment? You
Bernie Borges [00:03:16]:
mean in the Yeah.
Tim Hughes [00:03:16]:
Yeah. When when I had to write it, it it was like it came to me. It was like it was quite spiritual in the way that it kinda, like, came to me. This is what is it was if, you know, it it you know, I would say it was as if somebody else was writing, you know, this this is what I want this is what I wanna say. Well, this is certainly what I wanted to say. And the first thing I I did was I started with a joke because I my my father had a great sense of humor. And I and and, you know, we’ve all, you know, we’ve all done presentations. So starting the best way to start, a presentation at a funeral is with a joke, isn’t it? But the thing was that I did the eulogy, which is about him, and we’ll we’ll we’ll come on to some of that.
Tim Hughes [00:03:54]:
But what happened afterwards was that there was people afterwards that shook my hand, and they didn’t just shake my hand. They basically hold my hand like this and said if it wasn’t for your dad, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Now that was a total shock to me because, you know, my dad, he was a sound engineer at the BBC, the British Broadcasting Corporation. He went to work. He I knew that he worked on certain things. I know that he mixed with famous people, and he it was all in a day’s work. You know, he just come back home one day and say, oh, yeah. I was working with somebody today.
Tim Hughes [00:04:27]:
Kate Bush, somebody. Or, you know, it would be something, you know, or something. And it was all in a day’s work because he’s he didn’t see people as being stars. It was all part of the thing. But the fact that these people were shaking my hand like this was it it kind of led me to to realize that there was there was something in it, something more in it. And when I I I digged into it and dug into it in more detail now remember, my dad has been he’s been passed away for two years. He’d been retired for thirty. So we’re talking about society forty or fifty years ago.
Tim Hughes [00:05:02]:
And also talking about society, we’re talking on we’re we’re doing this on the January 22, which is the day after Trump has basically cut all of the DEI things in in in The US. And one of the things about my father was that I realized he he he he thought that everybody was the same. It didn’t matter how you where you were in the hierarchy, what color, what religion, what whatever. He thought as far as he was concerned, everybody was the same, and he supported people. He did the usual mentorship, which is, you know, you go into LinkedIn, and we’re all talking about mentors and stuff like that. My dad was doing, like, forty, fifty years ago. And there were people coming up to me saying, you know, that it it was him that meant it. You know, I you know, this particular person worked on a particular TV program that used to go out on a Saturday night that was particularly popular.
Tim Hughes [00:05:57]:
And, it was my dad that mentored him to get to that that place. And he said that was my career high. And it’s like and there was also there was also another
Bernie Borges [00:06:06]:
You were hearing all this for the first time. Like, the Yeah.
Tim Hughes [00:06:08]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And there was Most of those people,
Bernie Borges [00:06:11]:
Tim, you didn’t even know?
Tim Hughes [00:06:12]:
Or I didn’t even I didn’t even know. And and the thing was that the eulogy was, like, spot on in terms of, like of course, nowadays, with with with funerals, after COVID, it’s now pretty standard here in The UK that you would have a Zoom link so people can Zoom in as well as attend. K. And I know that two of the people that that that basically zoomed in were people that, they used to be they were men, and they decided that they didn’t wanna be men anymore. They were gonna be women. And they went through the whole process of of of going through you know, going having the operation and and and and and all of that. And and and and my dad stood up with them. And I know my mom actually said, oh, yeah.
Tim Hughes [00:06:53]:
He he went to he went they were gonna father them. Because you can imagine the BBC forty, fifty years ago was a very white male middle class. And for someone to say, actually, I’m you know, my mate name’s Peter, but now I wanna be a woman. They didn’t like that. And my father actually stood up for these people and said, well, if you get rid of them, you get rid of me too. And and and and so what we what what, you know, he also was involved in he was also involved in Asian music. I’ve got I’ve actually I’ve been going through his tapes, real to real tapes at at Christmas is what I set the the job I I set myself to. And and there’s real to real tapes there of of Indian music because there was a lot people didn’t wanna work with.
Tim Hughes [00:07:35]:
You know, we have a big, Indian, Pakistan, Bangladesh community in The UK partly because, you know, we used to have an empire and, and and therefore, they see us as being like a a mother ship. Mhmm. And and, you know, they wanted their own television, and he was the one that put hand up and said, I wanna do this. I think it’s right it’s right that we support them. And and all of those and and that kind of all came together for me, and realized that I needed to think about my own my own purpose myself. And, you know, so so in terms of you know, and I actually have matched that in terms of of of him, which is I actually feel it’s right that we help people. My father used his skills and his platform, you know, the the fact that he was a a senior sound supervisor. He used that as ability to help other people.
Tim Hughes [00:08:30]:
So for me, that immediately matches. So so I’m gonna you know, I have a I have a skill and a platform, so I immediately see that as a a a bit way to to help people. Mhmm. Going through his tapes and the way that he helped people also is is is a way of seeing his legacy. So I’m in the process of now digitizing a lot of those of those things, and I’ve actually found he’s kept some records of of of things, which which at the time, for a lot of people, probably don’t really matter. But you know sometimes how so so so sound, acoustics, classical music were all important to my father. And there’s a place in London on the South Bank just after the second World War. We didn’t have a lot of money in the country.
Tim Hughes [00:09:16]:
When there was it was agreed that we’d have this thing called the Festival of Britain. And there’s a very it’s it’s a it’s a beautifully ugly, brutalist architecture thing called the Southbank, and there you’ve got Festival Hall, which is where a lot of classical concerts take place. At the time, it was gonna be it was supposed to be the most most acoustically perfectly placed in the world. And my dad went there, and he did an acoustic test. And I have the letters of him writing to the festival hall and saying, it doesn’t. I’m gonna I’m gonna summarize it by saying, actually, acoustics are rubbish. And I’ve got the letter of them writing back saying, well, yeah, you may be right. And then I’ve got the the the the the details with the architect right through to so that so there’s actually this beautiful story about how something that he quite obsessed about and was willing to stand up and put his head over the power pit and say, this is wrong.
Tim Hughes [00:10:12]:
And and and and I’ve and I’ve got to digitize that. And that will be just like me zooming and saying, you know, look at this and look at this and look at this. Because what I wanna do is also use my power to create the legacy for him. Okay. Because I can I can do that? So I can digitize his tapes. There’s some some some some things on there which I I will probably send back to the BBC. The Indian classical music, I’m I’m trying to contact the people that played in it. Unfortunately, one of them has died, and and I I can’t seem to to contact them because I just wanna say this stuff exists and and and go through that process of of of creating that of creating that legacy.
Tim Hughes [00:10:52]:
Just as much as I run a podcast, you’ve been on my podcast, and and part of my podcast is creating a legacy. Right. So so and and one of the things that really emphasized it to me was that, you know, at Christmas, some peep sometimes people write letters about what they did during the year, and then they send that
Bernie Borges [00:11:12]:
in a Yeah.
Tim Hughes [00:11:12]:
Christmas card. Because my father was a sound engineer at the BBC, he decided to do that but tape it. So there are tapes of me about three or four and my brother who would be who’s two odd years older than me. I’m telling limericks. My brother’s playing the recorder, and we would have sent that to our grandparents. But it’s really amazing to hear his voice from about his voice from about nineteen sixty nine, seventy. My voice from from from me, you know, trying to read a limerick out
Bernie Borges [00:11:47]:
of the
Tim Hughes [00:11:47]:
book Right. And not doing very well. And and and, actually, that legacy of of hearing that spoken word. And I would, you know, recommend to anybody, you may not like the sound of your voice, but, actually, one way that you can live forever is by re recording your voice because that will last even after you you pass away. Yeah. And I know that Yoko Ono says about John Lennon that it’s when they dig up all these tapes and do all these rereleases and that, she said it’s always amazing to hear John’s voice again.
Bernie Borges [00:12:19]:
Right. Right.
Tim Hughes [00:12:20]:
I’m gonna shut up.
Bernie Borges [00:12:22]:
Couple couple thoughts I wanna share. At the beginning of this conversation, you said you you were dreading this. And what I’m observing, Tim, is that the story you just shared has poured out of you maybe similar to how the eulogy that you wrote sort of poured spiritually into you so that you could actually capture it and know exactly what you wanted to say in the eulogy. And what’s clear to me, and this is kind of the second second time I’m hearing the story, you know, because we discussed it a few weeks ago, which is what inspired me to invite you to come and share the story. And but it it really is clear how much of an impact this has had. And something you just said, which I didn’t connect this dot in the first conversation we had, and that is that not only do you feel like you have greater insight into your own legacy, but you also want to amplify your father’s legacy. So feels like you’ve got the motivation to really put your stamp on the world through your legacy with clarity and also to, amplify your father’s legacy. Do I have that right?
Tim Hughes [00:13:34]:
Yes. Yes. And and and and my mother’s given me just about, you know, loads of stuff of you know, I got all of his stuff, and I’m sort of, like, going through it. And and I have the knowledge and the and the ability to you know, you and I can, create Zoom, sit on a Zoom call and then upload it to YouTube. So we can digitize his stuff, and we can share it with other people. So his legacy is always is always gonna be there as long as YouTube exists. You know?
Bernie Borges [00:14:05]:
Right. Okay. So, so this this occurred two years ago. How has it changed you? I mean, you, you know, you’re still a family guy. You still are running your business. You’re hosting your podcast. So you’re still doing what you were doing before that experience. But how has it changed you?
Tim Hughes [00:14:28]:
I think it’s created more clarity in terms of purpose, in terms of doing things. And, you you know, I still have to you know, I we you know, many of us still have to earn a living. But I’m still willing to to to help people, and I do help a lot of people for free. And it doesn’t that’s not a that’s not a, a request for everybody to join me and and and ask for free services. But, you know, where where, where I I I make a call that the person, you know, when someone someone’s contacting me from Africa, you know, they haven’t got enough money to to to to pay. You know, I’ll just do it for free. And if it’s about educating people in Africa to make themselves better people, I’ll do it for free. Mhmm.
Tim Hughes [00:15:17]:
And and so that that sort of that that that reinforces the fact that I I was probably I was doing that before, but it reinforces my values to say, you know, when that happens, it’s okay. You’re not actually because sometimes I’m still looking thinking, should I charge them? And actually, no. No. I’m not gonna charge them because that that actually doesn’t that that doesn’t match my values. Mhmm. Mhmm. And the the same is I’m not really looking for people to mentor, but but looking out over you know, one of the things I do when I look out over things like LinkedIn or social media is I I I go there with a, with a view that my job is to encourage.
Bernie Borges [00:15:58]:
Encourage people so that they feel more confident, more Yeah.
Tim Hughes [00:16:04]:
Yeah. And and so so so, you know, it’s my job isn’t to to necessarily you social media to criticize or to throw stones. And my view is and my view, my job is to go out there and encourage. You know? I I you know, in a way, you know, I you know, I look back and say, well, wasn’t it amazing that all those people were willing to shake my hand and say, if it wasn’t for your dad, that and I thought, wouldn’t it be great if at my funeral, that happens as well?
Bernie Borges [00:16:34]:
So what do you think about this whole topic of legacy? So my observation is that most of us really begin thinking about legacy in one of our midlife stages. And so I’m just gonna say, generally speaking, over the age of 40 or maybe in some cases over 50 or over 60. What how do you think people should be thinking about that? Not only in the context of their life, but how it impacts, their vocation, their relationships? You know, how do we get people thinking about their legacy if they haven’t really been thinking about it as much as you’ve been thinking about it recently?
Tim Hughes [00:17:18]:
It’s a it’s a really good question. I think the first thing is is the importance to to have the conversation, to get more people to go, oh, yeah. I never thought about that. I I you know, I see that there are certain people who who I know who, will go through life. And, you know, if you think about we only have a very short time on this earth, and and, actually, how do we get the most efficiency out of that? And in a way, it’s kind of a living after, you know, living after we’ve passed away. How can we do that? How can we make sure that we’re still we still have the influence we have, the educational influence and the the mentorship influence? You know, this podcast is a great example of where you’re you’re you’re educating people. And and as long as, you know, the video format is around, this will exist. And so so so how do we and and and so that that that’s the so I’m I’m asking lots of questions back.
Tim Hughes [00:18:23]:
But, you know, I’m I I went down a path of of of I kind of know what my legacy is. But in terms of thinking about it, you sometimes it’s it’s not obvious. It’s not obvious what you do. You know, if you if you you you know? Or or thinking about legacy differently. You know? If you’re a builder, your legacy is all the buildings you build. Mhmm. Yeah. I’m I’m I’m terrible for one of the I’m one of these people that I’ll go I’ll will drive past the building.
Tim Hughes [00:18:50]:
I said, oh, yeah. I’ve sold I’ve sold them Oracle Financials. And and so my legacy was selling a piece of software. But, actually, you know, because I decided to do something else in my in my forties, and I knew that I I knew in my forties, I had to do something because I knew that I worked in the IT industry, and I know that in the fifth once you get to 50, people are very brutal. Right. And and, you know, I’ve I’ve people have said to me, I don’t see how anybody over the age of 50 can understand anything about social media. And and and I can understand why they may think that. And, you know, I I can ask you and Mark Schaefer and Ted Rubin and, and and we’re a whole bunch of people that are over 50 who actually know actually quite a lot about social media.
Bernie Borges [00:19:40]:
Yeah.
Tim Hughes [00:19:41]:
So but but I I I did realize that that was gonna happen, which is why I knew that I had to do some sort of pivot in my life, and I didn’t know what that was gonna be. And I guess that pivot has allowed me to also do something about a legacy as well.
Bernie Borges [00:19:56]:
You know, I think maybe we’re overthinking legacy. And here’s what I mean by that, Tim. I think a lot of people think of legacy as how can you have an impact on the world? How can you do something that’s really, really significant and impact impact a lot of people? Again, impact the world. Right? How can the world remember you? And I think that we should be thinking of legacy in terms of how can we impact and then fill in the blank after that and and just whatever is passionate. And it can be as simple as your kids or one human being that for whatever reason, you have a an emotional connection. It could be a family or not a family member. But you wanna impact either an individual or, you know, some immediate family, and that’s it. And so we don’t need to be thinking in terms of how can I impact the world? It’s how can I impact again, fill in the blank with an individual? Maybe it’s a charity.
Bernie Borges [00:21:04]:
Maybe it’s a cause. Maybe it’s whatever it is, it doesn’t have to be gigantic and and world renowned. You know? It can be anything that you want it to be, anything that’s meaningful to you. Yeah. I think that’s a
Tim Hughes [00:21:22]:
it’s a good I I mean, it’s it’s it’s kind of it’s it’s kind of it’s that sort of plus one. You know, we’ve come to that Earth. What can we do that which is that plus one, which is more than just, you know, birth, life, birth school, marriage, and death. You know, what what is it that that that plus one? So my mom’s just retired for the second time. She’s 87, and she went and worked. She she lives in a very small town that, and she helped raise money to have a theater there. So they do live theater. They do streams from, London West End, and they’d have a cinema there.
Tim Hughes [00:22:03]:
And then she’s worked twenty years in the box office. So in a way, her legacy is the the the the the theater’s called number eight. So in a way, her legacy is part of that number eight. Of course, she didn’t do everything to do with number eight.
Bernie Borges [00:22:18]:
Sure.
Tim Hughes [00:22:19]:
But, you know, as as with lots of things, it’s a it’s a team effort. But but I like to think that the people in that small town and and and from around there you know, if I was saying to my partner the other day. I said, if if there wasn’t number eight, there’d be nothing in the town. You you know, you’d have to travel for miles. You know, in in I know it’s not quite the The US where you you like to travel hundreds of miles, but, you know, they they have to travel miles and miles and miles to to to to go to to see the cinema. So in a way her legacy is is doing that. She she was also the top salesman there as well.
Bernie Borges [00:22:54]:
So in the context of your business, you’ve been doing it for, let’s call it fifteen years, right, for about as long as we’ve known each other, give or take. Yeah. General time span. How has the clarity of your legacy changed your approach to business? Because what you’ve been doing for, let’s call it, fifteen years, you’ve been doing it with passion, with excellence, you know, with authentic caring. It’s not like you didn’t care previously about people you support, always cared. So what’s different now? Well, I mean, now now since, you know, this experience two years ago.
Tim Hughes [00:23:31]:
I think it’s more about clarity. I think it’s it’s I think I I think kind of the the the purpose was always there, but it’s about understanding that it it’s it’s coming to focus. I think before it was kind of blurred, and I think I was doing things or thinking things because I thought I ought to do it. I run a small company, therefore, I ought to charge people. And or, you know and and so what’s happened is it’s more about I’m gonna do this because actually this is this this matches the purpose objectives rather than necessarily the business objectives. And I think that’s that’s so that’s more. It’s more about the focus than than yeah.
Bernie Borges [00:24:14]:
The clarity.
Tim Hughes [00:24:14]:
Yeah. It’s the clarity. It’s the clarity and and which which kinda sounds really small, but actually, it’s a it’s a it’s a big step that’s that’s taken from the why am I here. Okay. I kinda know why I’m here, and I have actually been able to change the world. But, actually, there’s there’s there’s more to it than that.
Bernie Borges [00:24:35]:
Yeah. Maybe you’ve heard the, the expression. I certainly didn’t make this up, but I love this expression. And that is, you know, when I think it goes something like, when you slice open an apple, you can count how many seeds are in that apple, but you can’t count how many you don’t know how many apples are in those seeds.
Tim Hughes [00:24:54]:
Right.
Bernie Borges [00:24:54]:
Right? So it’s the same thing as we go through life. We might have an impact on an individual, and we might be able to observe the impact we’ve had on that individual, but we may not know what impact that individual is gonna have on others as a result of your impact that individual. And that that’s powerful. That’s very powerful.
Tim Hughes [00:25:15]:
Yes.
Bernie Borges [00:25:16]:
Tim, I I think we’re at a good wrap point here. For, again, someone who said you dreaded this conversation, I think it was really a a meaningful, meaningful conversation. So thank you, first and foremost. Thank you for being willing to be vulnerable and and have this conversation. If someone’s listening or watching and and wants to connect with you, how could they do that?
Tim Hughes [00:25:42]:
The best place to get me is probably on LinkedIn. So I’m Timothy Tim Hughes on LinkedIn. Or our website is dlaknight.com, which is on the the, the name tag there.
Bernie Borges [00:25:53]:
Sure. Sure. Well, my listener knows we will link that up in the show notes. And and again, Tim, I just wanna thank you so much for No.
Tim Hughes [00:26:00]:
Thank you. Thank you for giving me this
Bernie Borges [00:26:01]:
conversation, for joining me today for a vulnerable conversation. And I think, I think a lot of people will will find the conversation very meaningful to them as well.
