Bernie Borges [00:00:00]:
Denise Gable, welcome to the Midlife Fulfill podcast, a maximum episode.
Denise Gabel [00:00:06]:
Thank you, Bernie.
Bernie Borges [00:00:08]:
It’s a thrill to have you. Denisse, let me introduce you to my audience. You are an international best selling author. You’re a professional speaker. You’re a mentor on the power of change. And during your tenure as the chief innovation officer At the Feline Research Institute, you led the prestigious I three program throughout the US and Canada. Now I three stands for Ideas, innovation, and implementation. And you also served as the chief operating officer at the Northwest Credit Union Association.
Bernie Borges [00:00:45]:
And, Denise, throughout your career, you’re known as having embraced and inspired others to embrace living with a can do mindset. And it’s that can do mindset that has really helped you and your teams get the right things done and with enthusiasm. And, Denise, your book, The Can Do Mindset, How to Make Things Happen with Enthusiasm that I’m holding in my little hands here and has lots of Markings in it because I have devoured this book is fantastic. It’s about can duology. It’s about getting the right things done, despite the circumstances. So, Denise, I have just shared a brief bio with my listener. Is there anything that maybe isn’t in your written bio that you might
Denise Gabel [00:01:31]:
wanna share? You know, I one story comes to mind that, you remember years ago When Oprah had her show, of course, and was so popular, she had a contest for people to win their own show. And this can do person, You know, I was lagging back, I was scared, but I had some friends that were pushing, my husband was pushing at the time, so I decided to shoot a small video and apply for my show, and it was going to be called What Not to Wear for Small Fitness, and it was, oh I think we worked with a colleague’s friend in in, Carolinas, and she had a fancy women’s boutique, but she had these really horrible faded silk flowers out front. And we basically, said, you know, gosh, for small fitness, if you’re gonna be an upscale boutique, why would you wanna have some fake flowers out front? The video went on to get a lot of views, it was very popular, and again, this can do. Did some procrastination, And I waited till the very night that darn application was ready or or, the Midlife. And about 5 minutes before the deadline, I hit Send on the actual application, and it came back server down. What? Oh, no. So to this day, I don’t know if they ever received it. I certainly didn’t win my show.
Bernie Borges [00:02:55]:
Apparently not.
Denise Gabel [00:02:56]:
No. And I went on to do other things, but There’s so much learning in that and putting yourself out there, having others kind of stretch you, and then kind of this, I’m probably too afraid to even, You know, still pull on that string. It’s been too many
Bernie Borges [00:03:10]:
years. But Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow. I can only imagine, how you felt after putting all that effort into it. So but, It’s, okay. Alright.
Bernie Borges [00:03:19]:
Well, Denise, again, I I love your book, Can Do Mindset. It’s about Kenduology, you do so much storytelling in your book. 1st, let’s talk about Kenduology. How do you define it? And 2 part question, Denise. How do you define candourology and when did you realize that it’s a thing?
Denise Gabel [00:03:41]:
Well, what it is is a mindset and these specific simple tools To help you get the right things done, you’ve mentioned this, the right things done despite the circumstances. That’s Canduology, mindset and specific tools, and they’re simple tools. You can you know, the book is Very full of tools and stories, and you can get this right away. This is not a 10 week coaching program. This is not gonna take 2 years. You can do this right away. When did I realize it was a thing? I had experienced some grief in my life, some extra hard times when I lost my soulmate, the love of my life, and I was, as I was finding my way forward and working through that, I had someone, Mark Levy, a branding coach, said, Denise, I want you to try and write your obituary. Are you kidding me? And then he’s he was going to retract the assignment, and I said no, no, no.
Denise Gabel [00:04:49]:
I will try, and if I can’t do it, I’ll just tell you I can’t do it or I’ll just stop, And it was that process of writing my own obituary. Why am I here? What is my purpose? I realized, Oh my gosh. I have a can do mindset. I have a can do attitude, and I’ve had it most of my entire life. That’s it. And it honestly was kind of a lightning moment saying then I’m a can duologist. Then my purpose on this Health is to put more can, less can’t, and, oh my gosh, that’s called can duology. Yeah.
Denise Gabel [00:05:33]:
That’s really how it was born is almost like the combination of looking back. I’m also looking forward on legacy. And who am I? Why what is my purpose?
Bernie Borges [00:05:44]:
Yeah. Well, you’re talking my language when you talk about legacy. That’s that’s the my 5th pillar, of course. So you said something interesting, Denise. I wanna come back to it. You said that when you realized that You are a can doologist that you have this can do mindset. You said you you realize that you’ve had that all your life. How How did you realize that? If if you were realizing for the 1st time that you are you have a can do mindset, how did you realize you’ve always had it?
Denise Gabel [00:06:12]:
When I started to define it and I started listening to myself, I started listening to people around me, it was kinda one of those, like, That’s it. That’s just it. Look back at what I’ve done. Look back at my career, and I always seem to find a way, and I always seem to find a way to inspire others. I seem to find a way that maybe we can’t do this, But what if we could do that? And it’s just this natural ability that I think I finally realized, and I could put some description to it. But it was really, the opportunity to look a little deeper and say, what am I really, really, really good at that comes so naturally to me? That people people wanna be around me for it. They wanna thank me for it. They wanna, give me gratitude for it.
Denise Gabel [00:07:04]:
And I think, that? And then I think, yes, that not everyone. That’s the other thing. When you realize everybody has their unique gifts and talents, And not everybody has the same gifts and talents. You hear that, but when it finally sits in To your head and your heart, then you start to realize, oh my gosh. I think that’s it. That’s my gift.
Bernie Borges [00:07:30]:
So is Canduology something that everyone has? Is it something that can be taught? Do some of us have more or less than others?
Denise Gabel [00:07:40]:
I believe 85% of Canduology is learned, and it’s learned by social learning, Being around others who have this more optimistic attitude or, you know, the, what’s possible. And I think 15% is actual training and tools. But I think the majority of it is watching others And social learning, being around someone who has a can do mindset.
Bernie Borges [00:08:11]:
Being influenced by
Denise Gabel [00:08:12]:
them. Yeah. And I I fully believe that there’s a lot of people that you know, maybe they’re at that why in their road, and they’ve never actually met someone who had that really positive, optimistic attitude. It doesn’t mean that you’re a constant cheerleader and things don’t happen. That is absolutely not the case. Things happen frequently. It’s a degree of which they happen. So I think it’s Exposure to someone that has this, and I think we all are born with it, and some of us never get a chance to explore it further, Or we meet someone in our adventure that shuts us down.
Bernie Borges [00:08:51]:
Okay. So talk about the wiring, meaning, you know, when someone is Overtly and consciously a can doer. How what how are they wired?
Denise Gabel [00:09:04]:
They’re wired with a strong sense of values. They are very concerned about trust and accountability. So high trust is one of this none of the absolute, you know, stakeholders for can do. We have to have trust with one another. We have to trust ourselves. If we don’t trust ourselves, the can do is not gonna work. Trust and accountability, you know, kind of think be, say, and do. Be your authentic self.
Denise Gabel [00:09:33]:
That’s how we’re wired. Say what you’re gonna do and then do it. Be, say, and
Bernie Borges [00:09:41]:
do. Interesting. Now in the book I was
Denise Gabel [00:09:43]:
high accountability. Okay. In the
Bernie Borges [00:09:46]:
book, Denice, you say that can doers Are in high demand. You wanna speak to that?
Denise Gabel [00:09:54]:
Yes. If you had your choice, and you were the boss, Or you are the career. Who do you wanna work with? Somebody that’s like, well, let’s give it a try. Or what if we did this? Or there’s an open dialogue about, hey. That’s a great idea. It’s ready for your improvements. Wouldn’t that be
Bernie Borges [00:10:16]:
awesome?
Denise Gabel [00:10:17]:
Versus and we’ve we’ve encountered these folks that are like, no. No. We tried it that way. No. We’ve we tried that years ago. No. I don’t think that’ll work. You could broadly call them an EOR.
Denise Gabel [00:10:30]:
So can doers are in very high demand. Can doers are good problem solvers. They’re good communicators. They’re proactive. So, of course, that’s who we wanna work with. We we don’t wanna work with someone if we have our choice that we’re constantly just telling them what to do. Candoers pick it up and make it happen.
Bernie Borges [00:10:50]:
Okay.
Denise Gabel [00:10:50]:
And they don’t leave behind. They’re good communicators, but I would argue in this kind of race for talent, and it’s hard for us to find, good employees. That’s the key. Look for the can doers. Look for the people that are already in high demand, and then nurture them. You gotta nurture their Environment, they they don’t stick around if they’re in the minority. As far as their can do attitude and everybody else Kinda looks to them to get everything done. No.
Denise Gabel [00:11:22]:
They’re not gonna stay for that. But if you create that can do Environment and you create that in each other, you won’t have trouble with talent.
Bernie Borges [00:11:31]:
Okay.
Denise Gabel [00:11:31]:
I can get good talent.
Bernie Borges [00:11:33]:
Now is there a difference between a can doer and a can do ologist or is it just semantics?
Denise Gabel [00:11:41]:
Well, initially, it could be semantics. But as I’ve continued this work, I’ve realized that the more people Practice this mindset in these tools, the more capable they are of bringing others along. So I think that’s where I would draw the distinction now is that can doers you know, we are we’re all can doers, and The candouologist has gone to that next level, and they can really, really model that behavior and bring others along to make them into candouologists who can continue to spread this work. More can.
Bernie Borges [00:12:19]:
So they’re again, they’re influencers. They influence other people with their own can do mindset. So they’re they’re not just can doers themselves. Like you say, they bring others along. Are they also heightening the awareness level, Sort of helping people come to understand what it means to be a can doer.
Denise Gabel [00:12:38]:
Oh, absolutely. I mean, that’s the whole purpose is Modeling the behavior. And when we model the behavior, we can’t help but see the outcomes. We can’t help but feel how it’s different. How, like, you know, I talk about it in the book, how the air that we breathe is different because the candoers, the candoologists, the culture, everybody’s working together to not Say so many times what what we can’t do, but it would be common language to hear up and down the hallways or, You know, through the video from the, remote teams, well, what can we do? What can we do? And then you know you are building a powerful culture of Canduology. Yeah. But you gotta you gotta put that out there.
Bernie Borges [00:13:28]:
Right. Denise, one of the things that I enjoyed about the book is that it’s interactive. There’s so many places in the book where you actually offer a URL to go dig deeper. And I want to call out one of them. And if you have an another example, feel free to share it. But one that stood out to me that I’m going to ask you to speak to is the joy meter. You wanna explain the joy meter?
Denise Gabel [00:13:51]:
The joy meter. Yes. It’s on the website. It’s in the book, and it’s a Free tool. Please help yourself and download. There’s probably 5 tools on there. The joy meter is a way for you to assess What brings you the most joy? Not necessarily what you’re the best at. And if there’s an intersection between the To what you’re really good at and what brings you joy, you’ve hit it.
Denise Gabel [00:14:19]:
You’ve really hit it. So this is a tool that let me Let me give you a real example of the way I used it and how I developed it. I was trying to think, well, gosh, if I only have so much time, What do I really love to do the most? And the universe was so kind to me and produced a strategic planning session to facilitate And a breakout session and a keynote and some private coaching, some can do coaching. And so I began to write down those things, Strategic planning. But in this is the difference in the joy meter. Instead of just saying, yeah. I like it. I think I’d give it a 5 out of a 10, Or, it’s a 3 out of a 10.
Denise Gabel [00:14:59]:
Instead, I want you to pay attention. How do you feel before that event, That that action? What about during, and then what about after? So for me, strategic planning, Terrible. I do not like getting ready for strategic planning. I don’t like doing the research. I don’t like putting the slides together. Lo, how do I think about it in the moment? I love it. I’m very well prepared. I love the live audience.
Denise Gabel [00:15:30]:
I love that interaction. I love where we get. Fabulous. How do I feel after? About average. It was fun, but all I can think about is that preparation and customization for the next strategic planning facilitation. And so then I developed a score. How about the keynote? Oh, I love getting ready and finding out what people really need. I love the live audience in making that more like a retreat and a custom event, and I am really excited when I leave Because I think I can carry on and and continue to make a difference.
Denise Gabel [00:16:07]:
So that’s how the joy meter was developed, and I have a scoring mechanism so you can really Step back and look at those 4 or 5, whatever things you have on there, even 1. And you can say, okay. But what’s my real joy before, During and after. And that’ll give you a better sense of where to invest your time.
Bernie Borges [00:16:28]:
That’s what really resonates With me, Denise, is the fact that you break it down into before, during, and after. And I think that many of us were speaking for myself anyway. I can’t speak everyone else, I don’t think we I don’t think that way. I think of an event or an activity just exactly as you said, strategic planning or speaking, for example. I also Thoroughly enjoy speaking, but I don’t necessarily enjoy preparing for it. When I’m speaking, I’m thrilled that I’ve prepared and I’ve never in my entire career Spoken at something that was scheduled and not been prepared. I’ve always been prepared a 100% of the time. But the process of getting prepared, not enjoyable.
Bernie Borges [00:17:09]:
The process of speaking? Yes. Enjoy. And then afterwards because then you get the feedback, the interaction and all that. So I was always happy that I prepared. And of course, again, I would never even dream of speaking without being prepared, but I didn’t enjoy that part of it. So looking at all 3 is really a brilliant way to really Examine those activities. And again, to your point, really kinda score the joy associated with those activities.
Denise Gabel [00:17:33]:
Yes. Because if there’s a way, and maybe you can step back too. And say, gosh, everything is so high during and so high after. Is there a way that I could rethink what I’m doing before That I could outsource, I could partner, I could delegate this, you know, 7 eighths of the, preparation And, you know, gathering the data or putting the data together, whatever that’s gonna take. And then like you said, you can’t completely not prepare because Then, you know, middle and end aren’t good Right. For you or anyone. But I think it allows you to kinda step back and say, wow. I don’t really love that front end.
Denise Gabel [00:18:10]:
So I need to design something for myself that doesn’t have a front end that’s so intense, or I need to build a, what we call, a can duet. Need to build a partnership so I can collaborate with someone to build that front end and help me so I can love the middle and I can love the end.
Bernie Borges [00:18:27]:
Yeah. But you know Yeah. Don’t hold it. Here’s another thought. So what if 2 out of 3, I should be happy with that. If I even never get around to loving or figuring out the can duet part of preparing, but it It gets me prepared so I can present well and then enjoy the afterwards. That’s 2 out of 3. That’s not bad.
Denise Gabel [00:18:48]:
It’s not bad, and it’ll depend on those scores. Because when you score it, I think I put in there 9 and above. So if you’re pretty, like, you know, off the chart delivering and then you’re off the chart afterward, you can Basically, afford to have a little less joy on that front end because, yeah, not everything’s filled, with joy.
Bernie Borges [00:19:08]:
Right.
Denise Gabel [00:19:09]:
And if you’re if you’re, like, Happy, but not too happy. You won’t have enough energy to give. You won’t have enough joy to receive on that front end, middle, middle. So you need those real highs and then you probably I love that point, Bernie, because then you probably have that energy to invest in the front end.
Bernie Borges [00:19:26]:
Yeah. And and and and to your point, It it’s it’s about scoring it so that you understand really how it all fits together for you. I wanna I wanna move on before we run run out Time here. I wanna talk about we because you talk about we a lot. You even said earlier, you know, what can we do is a question that you you get asked and You devote a good chunk of the book near the end of the book to the whole we concept, so maybe you can speak to that a little bit.
Denise Gabel [00:19:52]:
I love this concept. I think it’s kind of the capstone in the book that, you know, you asked earlier how can doers and candoologists are wired, and they’re wired for team. They’re wired for collaboration. Doesn’t mean they’re always an extrovert. Let’s underscore that as well. Canduologists And can doers can be introverts. They don’t need to be, you know, working through the space or high, need for others as far as, you know, Collaboration? They can be more of an introvert, and that’s fine too. But where the we comes in Is more than 1, me or we? And can doers are wired to think of we, And then you realize you have complete control over who you bring in for your we.
Denise Gabel [00:20:43]:
You never look at another human being the same. Person in the grocery line, person in the co working space, a family member, a friend, That person, that human being that you’re interacting with, you decide. Is that someone you wanna engage in a conversation? And if so, how deep? Do you want to see them again? If so, how much? And once you realize the power, You know, sitting next to someone on an airplane, of course, you can imagine I would be asking, hi. Where are you going? How can I help? And that’s okay. Not a lot of people do that. Some people put on the headset and take a nap or, you know, read a book. Mhmm. You decide.
Denise Gabel [00:21:27]:
And when you take that analogy out of the aircraft and into everyday life, you get to decide who you’re we. Do you wanna develop further relationships with people and open and explore opportunities? You can, But you decide. So there’s a there is a significant amount about now that we’re we’re thinking can do mindset, we’re thinking team, we’re thinking we, we’re not thinking Me, me, me, and selfish I were thinking gratitude. Now, suddenly, we opened our eyes even further to every possibility around us. We decide.
Bernie Borges [00:22:04]:
Mhmm. Yeah. Yeah. The, just the mindset around that, the awareness level around that is very powerful. And I think it’s one of those things. It’s kind of like the nose in our face. We can overlook that so easily, but then when we focus on it and just become just Aware aware of its power and its overall impact On not just your own life, but the life of others. Very powerful.
Denise Gabel [00:22:31]:
Oh, the life of others. Yeah. And if you’re not ready, I mean, some days you’re you don’t have it to give. Mhmm. You know, you’re that’s okay. It doesn’t like I said, what the beauty of this is, you decide. In those days that you don’t have anything, Well, don’t try and give it away. Or you might look at that other human being like you just, alluded to.
Denise Gabel [00:22:55]:
Maybe they need A quick hello. Mhmm. That’s all. Maybe they need a, hey, your hair looks good today. You know, I love those shoes. That’s all. That doesn’t take that much to give. Yeah.
Denise Gabel [00:23:09]:
So it’s just this awareness, I think, to raise your head and realize the power that you have. Yeah.
Bernie Borges [00:23:14]:
Yeah. You mentioned a moment ago that, when you’re on an airplane, you’re that person that says, you know, how can I help you? so I want to remind you of an encounter that you had on an airplane with a certain gentleman Where you say that you learned something from this gentleman. Why don’t you share that story? And for anyone who may not recognize the name When you introduce him in your story, give a little little, you know, information about who he is for anybody who may not recognize the name.
Denise Gabel [00:23:46]:
Okay. Okay. It’s a great story, and this person really did change my life. So I’m hoping as you listen to today’s podcast And, with your fabulous host, Bernie. And I know you’ve been told many times that you sound like Casey Casey,
Bernie Borges [00:24:00]:
but I have.
Denise Gabel [00:24:01]:
It is. But it is true. And you do such a fine job.
Bernie Borges [00:24:04]:
Thank you.
Denise Gabel [00:24:05]:
So, yeah, that story, and I I I did include it in the book, 2 frequent flyers, you know got their upgrades and it’s like, seat 2a and 2b. And you know how there’s that common language, you know, Almost like, where are you going? What do you do? What do you do? And so this gentleman asked me and I said, oh, I’m the chief innovation officer at the Feline Research Institute. And, essentially, because I knew I had to translate, Essentially, I head up an innovation program for the US and Canada. And with volunteers, we create products and services, and we turn them back to consumers. And I think he might have even dropped an f bomb and said, I get so sick of hearing bleep like that. Are you serious? Like, who turns you down? Who turns down your introduction on an aircraft? I was just so stunned, and I said, excuse me? And the person said, I didn’t ask what your title was. What are you passionate about? I said, well, well, it was not top of mind, And I thought, okay. Okay.
Denise Gabel [00:25:20]:
I’ll play. And so I kinda shut down, and I turned my head around, and I thought, this guy’s weird and I need to move. And then I realized there there weren’t any other seats. Then I realized he actually had a good question. What am I passionate about?
Bernie Borges [00:25:35]:
But did you know who he is?
Denise Gabel [00:25:37]:
No. Not to this point.
Bernie Borges [00:25:40]:
You didn’t?
Denise Gabel [00:25:41]:
Not to this point. I did not know who he was.
Bernie Borges [00:25:43]:
Okay.
Denise Gabel [00:25:44]:
I just thought how, How interesting. A little bit abrupt on the approach, but it was a good question, so I took it on. About 30 minutes into the flight, I turned back around and said, excuse me, I’m ready. Now this has been a number of years ago, so I’m positive this has been improved. But at the time, I said something like, I’m passionate about people and possibilities. And he said, oh, then why don’t you start with that? Isn’t that so much more interesting? Well, perhaps than, you know, blurting out Some boring corporate title. I thought, well, yeah, that’s a good point. So then I was able to ask him, what are you passionate about? And it was something about growing leaders like one Leader at a time.
Denise Gabel [00:26:30]:
Then the further conversation about, well, what takes you to such and such a city in the middle of the winter? And he said, oh, I’m gonna be working with some credit unions. Oh, so was I. And that’s when my mind went spinning through The agenda and I said, do you happen to write a book? And this is when he his first book came out, and he said, yes. I did. And he pulled out the book, Ladies and gentlemen, it was Simon Sinek, one of the now watched, TED Talks in the world. Mhmm. And you you know his famous work about start with why?
Bernie Borges [00:27:07]:
Mhmm.
Denise Gabel [00:27:08]:
Yes. It was Simon Sinek. And then I was like, oh, Well, when do you speak? And I think he said, I’m the opening speaker or something. And I said, well, I’m the closing speaker. Don’t miss it. And so we had a wonderful conversation about, you know, the the a not for profit organization versus The corporate organization and being clear on your why. And, that was Simon Sinek. And, honestly, he did change my life.
Denise Gabel [00:27:40]:
And I do recommend I can remember when I went back to my corporate, job and, you know, the big meeting and everybody’s coming around the table, you know, please introduce your health, and I decided I’m gonna give this a go. And some of the people I knew, some I didn’t, and I said, hi. I’m Denise Gable, and I’m passionate about people and possibilities. I really did get people’s attention because
Bernie Borges [00:28:06]:
Nice.
Denise Gabel [00:28:06]:
You kinda tune out when people are just I’m the chief this, I’m the head of that, I’m the I’m the manager of this, I’m the, you know, caretaker of that.
Bernie Borges [00:28:15]:
Right.
Denise Gabel [00:28:16]:
And, yeah, Simon Sinek. And, of course, he’s gone on to do fabulous work about leaders and Being clear on your why, which is a lot of what you do, Bernie, I think in this midlife, podcast is, You know, finding our purpose. Mhmm. Yeah. Being super you know, trying to get increasingly clear
Bernie Borges [00:28:37]:
Mhmm.
Denise Gabel [00:28:38]:
On that. So thank you for illuminating that story.
Bernie Borges [00:28:42]:
It’s a great story. And and and Denise, your book is Just chock full of stories like that. And it’s tempting for me to wanna go to another one, but I’m gonna wrap it here. I just wanna remind my reader, Denise Gable, you are the chief candologist, the world’s 1st chief candologist. You are, author of the international best selling, The can do mindset. I I highly, highly recommend it. I don’t read very many books these days, Denise. I really don’t because so much of what I’m reading is online And I’m just very busy, so I don’t get around to reading maybe more than 3 or so books in an entire year.
Denise Gabel [00:29:23]:
I’m honored.
Bernie Borges [00:29:24]:
And, yes, yours was one of them, that I read in 2023. Of course, we’re releasing this in early 2024. But, just thank you so much for joining me for this maximum episode on the Midlife of Fulfilled podcast. Denise, where can people connect with you, learn more about you?
Denise Gabel [00:29:42]:
Oh, thanks for asking, and Bernie, thank you for the work that you’re doing and and, all your listeners. More CAN, More positive, more purpose. It’s gotta be a better universe. You can find me. I’m on LinkedIn, Denise Gabel, g a b e l, on LinkedIn. You can head over to the website. I don’t know if this was smart, but we did it. We put some hyphens in there.
Denise Gabel [00:30:07]:
So go to can hyphen do hyphenology, ology.com. Under toolkit, you’re gonna find those 5 free downloads. Please help yourself. Bernie even promised they are simple tools. You can get started right now. Get started on that 2024 and get it off to a good start. So that’s where you can find me. You can send me an email from there.
Denise Gabel [00:30:31]:
I believe I’ve got a phone number on there. Let me know how I can be of service to you.
Bernie Borges [00:30:36]:
Fantastic. Well, my listener knows that that will be linked up in her show notes, both your LinkedIn handle as well as your website. And, Denise, just Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much for joining me for this episode. It has been my honor and, of course, a blast.
Denise Gabel [00:30:51]:
Thank you so much. Thank you to the listeners too, listeners, watchers, viewers.
