Bernie Borges [00:00:00]:
Hey there. Bernie here, host of the Midlife Fulfill podcast. And welcome to episode 214. I’m gonna do something a little bit different here. It is the Christmas holidays. And the next couple of weeks, I’m gonna take off and visit family for the holidays. And, just wanna kinda relax a little bit, and I hope you’re doing the same, depending on when you’re listening to this. You could be listening to this in July of 2025 for all that I know.
Bernie Borges [00:00:28]:
But here’s what I’m doing differently here. Instead of producing and publishing 2 new episodes for 214 and 215, I’m doing what I call a look back. And so for this episode, I am going to republish episode 1. And there’s two reasons that I’m sharing episode 1 with you. First of all, many of you, in fact, I think most listeners, probably were not with me in episode 1. That was 3 years ago. And the truth is, some things have changed in this podcast. However, the vision that I laid out for the midlife Fulfill podcast on episode 1, that has not changed.
Bernie Borges [00:01:09]:
What has changed is since episode 1, 3 years ago, I developed my platform of the 5 pillars of midlife, health, fitness, career, relationships, and legacy. So you’re not gonna hear that on episode 1, but you are gonna hear sort of the backstory, the premise why I launched the midlife fulfilled podcast. And I’m sharing some definitions that are very foundational for this podcast. So I want you to give it a listen, and I also want you to do the following. And that is, if you are enjoying the Midlife Fulfilled Podcast, won’t you stop right now and share it with somebody? And I do mean right now. Don’t wait until the end because you might get distracted. I know I do. I I listen to a lot of podcasts.
Bernie Borges [00:01:53]:
Why don’t you just press the pause button right now and share it with a friend, somebody that you think might also enjoy the Midlife Fulfilled podcast? The other thing that I wanna tell you about episode 1 that you’re gonna listen to here in just a moment is that it is, out of 213 episodes that I published, it is the number one most downloaded episode. And that still blows me away that it’s number 1. So I’m sharing that one with you today. And then next week, I’m gonna share episode 3. And that one is the 5th most downloaded episode. So let’s begin with episode 1. I hope you enjoy it. Here it is.
Bernie Borges [00:02:41]:
Midlife is the best season of our lives. But often many of us like fulfillment in some area of our midlife. It doesn’t have to be that way. This podcast is a resource for midlifers to discover ways to find fulfillment in whatever area of life you need it. I’m your host, Bernie Borges. Join me on the midlife fulfilled podcast, a journey to make midlife the most fulfilling season of your life. Hello, Midlifers. Welcome to The Journey.
Bernie Borges [00:03:24]:
This is episode 1 of the Midlife Fulfilled podcast. If you haven’t listened to the introduction episode, I suggest you stop now and listen to that one first. It’s only about 10 minutes long. On the introduction episode, I explained what this podcast is about and why I started it. I strongly encourage you to start there. And if you haven’t subscribed yet, I encourage you to press the subscribe button on your podcast player so that you don’t miss future episodes. As I said in the introduction, I’m inspired to go on this journey with you on midlife fulfillment because I am a midlifer seeking fulfillment in certain areas of my life, and I know that I’m not alone on this journey. I wanna do a lot in my life that fulfills me.
Bernie Borges [00:04:08]:
And since you’re listening, I assume you do too. On this episode, I’m gonna focus on 2 topics. 1st, I’m gonna define midlife. When I sent out the survey that I mentioned in the intro episode, this was the most common question that I received. How do you define midlife? Incidentally, I’m gonna be devoting episode 2 to sharing the results of that survey. Fascinating insights, but more on that later. The second topic on this episode is I’m gonna define and discuss what it means to be fulfilled. Hence, the title of this podcast, midlife fulfilled.
Bernie Borges [00:04:47]:
So let’s get started. I’m gonna start with the definition of midlife. To that end, I started my research with Merriam Webster. And here is how the Webster dictionary defines midlife. In a one word phrase, middle age. What the heck is middle age? Is that over 30, over 40, over 50, over 60, over 70? Look, this answer did not satisfy me, so I dug deeper and I’m glad I did. As I researched midlife further, of course, I found a ton of content about midlife crisis. Let me just say that I don’t like the phrase.
Bernie Borges [00:05:29]:
The word crisis makes it sound negative, like our world is falling apart. I assure you that this podcast is not focused on crisis things. Rather, I’m focused on finding fulfillment in our midlife. So I continue my research and it led me to the happiness u curve. Now here’s another word I don’t like, happiness. This is not the midlife happiness podcast. Not that I don’t want to be happy or don’t want you to be happy, but I digress. I’m gonna get to that later in this episode.
Bernie Borges [00:06:05]:
Back to the happiness u curve. By the way, it’s based on the letter u. And it’s from a study published by the National Bureau of Economic Research. I’m gonna link to that in the show notes for this episode. This research shows comparisons across 109 data files and a 132 countries of the relationship between well-being, variously defined by different aspects of life and by age, and it basically says that starting at age 18, your happiness level begins to decrease. Think of age 18 as the top left of the u curve. The bottom of the u or the bottom of the unhappiness in the u curve happens at age 40 7.2 in developed countries and 48.2 in developing countries. Yep.
Bernie Borges [00:06:56]:
You heard that right. Alright. Look at it this way. If at age 30, you were less happy than you were at age 20, science says you’re not alone. If at age 40, you were less happy than when you were 30, science says you’re not alone. And if at age 47.2, you were less happy than you were at 40, this research says you’re definitely not alone. Now fortunately, our quote, unquote happiness begins to improve after age 47, at least according to this study. Now this rabbit trail of my research led me to explore the notion of the proverbial midlife crisis.
Bernie Borges [00:07:35]:
I mean, I just found so much content on it. I just couldn’t ignore it since it’s just everywhere online. I wondered if midlife crisis is really a thing or is it a myth? I found a national survey of midlife in the United States, which conducted a poll to determine how many people experienced midlife crisis. It found that approximately 26% of the participants reported having a midlife crisis. Most survey participants reported that their midlife crisis occurred before age 40 or after 50. Now in round numbers, that’s 1 quarter of the US midlife population. I was encouraged by this because it means that about 3 quarters of the US population does not report having a midlife crisis, but I dug deeper. Out of the 1 in 4 people that reported having a midlife crisis, the vast majority say that it was brought on by a major event rather than age.
Bernie Borges [00:08:38]:
Let me repeat that. The vast majority who reported having a midlife crisis said it was brought on by a major event, not by age. Okay. Now we’re getting somewhere. Some of the factors that triggered the crisis included life changes, such as, and these are gonna be obvious, divorce, job loss, loss of a loved one, relocation. This finding leads me to the opinion that a person can be a mid lifer struggling with fulfillment as young as age 30. Don’t believe me? Consider these two scenarios. An athlete whose career skyrockets in his twenties then peters out in his early thirties and suddenly he’s forced to retire from athletics and transition to a new career.
Bernie Borges [00:09:29]:
Even if the career transition is smooth due to good planning, the psychological impact after enjoying years of adoring fans and possible media coverage, not to mention playing a game for a living, can be daunting when facing the reality of having a quote unquote real job without all the glory of his athletic career. Now in this new chapter of life in his early thirties, he’s looking for fulfillment in his career, which may or may not be easy to attain. This guy can be in a phase of midlife. Or what about the attorney who landed a dream job at age 27 after passing the bar exam. One day, she wakes up in her mid thirties realizing that 90 hour work weeks have ruined her social life. She’s making great money, but all she does is work. And she doesn’t even love the work, but the thought of walking away from the investment in her education and expertise is excruciating. The only thing more excruciating is sticking with her job at the law firm on the path to becoming partner with 10 more years of 90 hour work weeks ahead of her and no social life.
Bernie Borges [00:10:46]:
Where is fulfillment in that? This gal is in a season of midlife. Now in both cases, these two individuals in their thirties are either going into or already in a major circumstance or a major event in their life in search of fulfillment. And this is a midlife season, my friends, regardless of age. What these two people want more than anything is to start climbing up the other side of the proverbial u curve. But how? A 2016 study published in the International Journal of Behavioral Development found an upside to the midlife crisis. It’s curiosity. Research has found that people who are experiencing a crisis, whether it was at a young age, like the 30 somethings mentioned a moment ago, or older, they experienced enhanced curiosity about themselves and about the wider world around them. But this realization can also cause great stress and uncertainty, while at the same time creating a mindset of openness to new ideas, new endeavors, which could result in new and creative opportunities.
Bernie Borges [00:12:03]:
These could lead to new breakthroughs or new opportunities such as a second career, which could lead to climbing up the other side of the happiness u curve. Now earlier, I mentioned that I wondered if a midlife crisis is really a thing or a myth. I have to admit, I was of the opinion that it’s a mindset. But the studies that I’ve mentioned here present at least some compelling evidence that we do experience lows in our life after experiencing so called happiness. And my research on the meaning of midlife also led me to a study from the Stanford Center on Longevity. That’s Stanford University, by the way. This study is titled the new map of life. The Stanford Center on Longevity study suggests that the average lifespan is on its way to, you ready for this, 100.
Bernie Borges [00:13:00]:
Can you imagine that? We’re get we’re on our way to living a 100 years. And if that’s true, so many of our current norms are gonna be obsolete. The new map of life report suggests that we can expect to have 60 60 year careers, but they can look different than today’s career norms comprised of the proverbial 40 hour work week. In the future, work life cultures will offer more flexibility to allow for parenting, caregiving, schooling, community service, and other obligations even more than we have today. If or hopefully when these become cultural norms, perhaps we can begin to experience more fulfillment in more areas of our life. So what is the answer to the question, what is midlife? Alright. I’m jumping in here to just get a little temperature read. So what did you think about the music that I did back on episode 1? The introduction that I did? Very different than what you’re hearing today in the current version of the midlife fulfill podcast.
Bernie Borges [00:14:11]:
I hope you’re enjoying it. And hey, I wanna remind you that I want you to share the podcast with someone. Back in the introduction, maybe you were driving when you tuned into this podcast and you couldn’t stop right then and there and pause and share it with someone. But maybe now you’re not driving or you’re not on the treadmill like you were before. So please, if you’re enjoying the podcast, share it with someone you know. I am trying to reach 3,000,000,000 people. Yes. You heard right.
Bernie Borges [00:14:39]:
3,000,000,000 people. And if you want to know how I’m doing that, by the way, you should follow me on Linkedin because I just wrote about that on Linkedin. I also wrote about it in my newsletter. So if you’re subscribed to my newsletter, you heard about why I wanna reach 3,000,000,000 people and how I’m gonna do that. So you can help by sharing this podcast with a friend. Alright. Now, back to episode 1. Surely, midlife is not driven solely by age.
Bernie Borges [00:15:08]:
I hope that’s obvious. Based on these findings, I submit that midlife seasons can happen as young as our thirties depending on our circumstances, and we can experience multiple midlife seasons. More on that another day. This leads me to the second part of this episode. Let’s look at what is meant by being fulfilled. As I mentioned in the intro episode, I sent out a survey to a group of random people across many age spans, as well as geographies, and the results show that 78% of respondents said that they are fulfilled in some, but not all areas of their life. 19 percent said that they were very fulfilled in all areas of their life, which is pretty impressive. The remaining 3% said that they’re not very fulfilled at all.
Bernie Borges [00:16:02]:
Now remember that earlier I said that I’m not a fan of the word happiness in the happiness u curve. I believe that fulfillment is distinct from happiness. Yes. They’re related, but they’re also distinct. It is possible to be fulfilled, but not happy. And it’s possible to be happy, but not fulfilled. The reason is as simple as it is complex. Here’s what I mean.
Bernie Borges [00:16:28]:
Our lives are made up of many dimensions. There’s romance, there’s family, career, community, friendships, physical, mental, spiritual, philanthropic, and many more dimensions. There are so many permutations that could cause you to be happy in one dimension, yet not fulfilled in another. Here’s one of many scenarios. A college professor whose professional achievements are admired by many because they include achieving tenure, publishing numerous papers with international acclaim, and a high regard in her field of study by peers and students alike. This individual can be highly fulfilled in her career, but if her personal relationships are a mess and she’s lonely, her personal life could severely lack fulfillment. So how does this acclaimed college professor answer the question, are you happy? Once again, I turn to Merriam Webster for a definition of fulfillment or being fulfilled. Here’s what I found.
Bernie Borges [00:17:37]:
Feeling satisfied, and also the feeling that one’s abilities and talents are being fully used. So one more time, here’s what I found. For the definition of fulfillment. Feeling satisfied and feeling that one’s abilities and talents are being fully used. Now what I like about these two definitions is that they can be applied to any dimension of our lives, whether it’s professional or personal. You know what else I like about these two definitions? They both start with the word feeling, and to me, that captures it. You see, everything we do in life is driven by 2 emotions, thoughts and feelings. That’s it.
Bernie Borges [00:18:20]:
I was reminded of this on another podcast that I host where I interviewed Howard Tiersky, a highly acclaimed digital transformation strategist. In the context of a customer’s experience with any brand, Howard says that all customer’s behavior is based on their thoughts and feelings. Now this principle applies to every aspect of our lives. Every decision we make is based on thoughts and feelings. For example, if you think you’re ready to make a career transition in your midlife journey, you’ve probably put considerable thought into that, and it’s probably because you want to feel better about yourself for some reason. Or if you’re forced into it, the thought process could be more about how to navigate the career transition and also feel good about it. Ultimately, you want to feel fulfilled. The same is true if you remarry after a divorce or loss of a spouse.
Bernie Borges [00:19:21]:
Likewise, you’ll give that decision a lot of thought, and if you go through with it, you wanna feel fulfilled in that relationship by marrying this person. So coming full circle back to having a fulfilled midlife. While the factors and circumstances can be many, and they can be complicated, the thoughts and feelings we have are at the heart of being fulfilled. And fulfillment can be something you experience across different dimensions of your life. As mentioned before, they can include career, marriage, physical health, mental health, your reputation, etcetera. Fulfillment really comes down to knowing your values. What are the values that define you? Are you willing to shape your life around your values? Those who do tend to be more fulfilled than those who don’t. So to be fulfilled in our midlife seasons requires us to get in touch with our thoughts and feelings in each dimension of our life, knowing our values and shaping our life around those values.
Bernie Borges [00:20:34]:
And now it’s time for me to share my first b f to a f experience. Now if you don’t remember what this is from the introduction, this is where I share a before fulfilled to after fulfilled experience, hence the b f and a f. Admittedly, this experience happened to me in my twenties, which I don’t consider to be midlife, but it shaped my value so much that it has had a lasting impact on me that I try to apply in my midlife seasons. So here goes. A little context, I grew up in New York City. You know, most New Yorkers feel that New York is the greatest city in the world. And while I haven’t traveled extensively outside of North America other than a few cities, big cities in Europe, which were awesome, Nonetheless, I certainly do believe that New York is tough to beat on the list of the greatest cities. I grew up in Queens in a lower middle income family.
Bernie Borges [00:21:37]:
I was exposed to a wide variety of affluence from moderate to extravagant. In high school, I had aspirations of going to a prestigious university. My thought was that an Ivy League education would set me up for a great career. Earning my college degree from a big name school would allow me to feel a sense of pride and accomplishment and give me a boost in my career, or so I thought. But that was a pipe dream. My parents couldn’t afford to send me to an expensive university. And in those days, the only scholarships available were for star athletes and the highest academic achievers, and I was neither. So I lowered my expectations, and I set my sights on a public university in New York.
Bernie Borges [00:22:29]:
Now no disrespect intended to public universities, but I was not gonna be fulfilled with that experience. So I thought, what if I went to work full time? I might be able to afford to pay the tuition at a private university in New York City. The school that I targeted was Pace University. Now Pace is hardly in the class of Harvard or Yale, but it is a well respected university in New York City and even beyond. The more I learned about Pace, the more I wanted the feeling of being a PACE graduate. So at age 19, I went to work full time in Manhattan. I landed a sales position with a company that was really the right time in the right place, selling technical training that was in high demand. I did very well.
Bernie Borges [00:23:21]:
And over the next 5 years, I attended Pace University, evenings and weekends, 12 months out of the year without any breaks, other than weekends, until I graduated 5 years later. And best of all, I never asked my parents for 1p. I covered all my college expenses by myself from the earnings from my sales position, and I graduated with no student loan debt. This experience was a great sense of fulfillment. There’s the AF. Especially considering that previously, I had my sights set on an Ivy League University. There’s the b f. But that was just out of reach for me.
Bernie Borges [00:24:06]:
Just not even possible. The lesson learned for me at a very young age that I’ve taken into my midlife seasons was twofold. Sometimes, there’s a viable solution if you’re willing to think about many options, even if it’s not the ultimate solution that you desire the most, or at least that you think that you desire the most. And number 2, solutions sometimes require hard work and great sacrifice. Going to school all year long without any breaks meant that I had to sacrifice most of my social life at a young age when all my friends were going out partying nearly every night. Instead, I went to class because I wanted to fulfill my dream of earning a degree from Pace University. I wanted the fulfillment of being a Pace graduate, and I achieved that goal without burning my parents financially. This was a huge sense of fulfillment for me.
Bernie Borges [00:25:08]:
So what b f moments are you facing? Are you giving yourself permission to consider other solutions? Think about how you’ll feel after you’ve fulfilled your goal or aspiration, even if it’s not the path you think you desire the most. On the next episode, I’m gonna share the results of the survey that I mentioned, where I ask people in which areas of their life they wanna be more fulfilled. These survey responses will help shape the topics that I cover in future episodes. Hey. I wanna invite you to leave me a voice message up to 90 seconds long with a suggestion for a topic, or if you wanna share your own BF to AF experience on this podcast. Look in the show notes on this episode in your podcast player. Each player is a little different. Usually, there’s an icon such as, like, a small I with each episode.
Bernie Borges [00:26:03]:
Just click on that to open up the show notes, and you’ll find my social media handles there as well as a Bitly link to where you can leave a voice message for me. And while you’re there, be sure to press the subscribe button if you haven’t already, so that you don’t miss future episodes. Midlifers, let’s create a worldwide movement toward having a more fulfilled midlife. I’ll see you on the next episode. But first, stay tuned for this closing message. Well, there you have it. A repeat of episode 1 gives you a little bit of a preview into what I was thinking 3 years ago. I hope that you enjoy that.
Bernie Borges [00:26:41]:
You know, I enjoyed listening to it again, and the fact that it’s the number one most downloaded episode still blows my mind. Anyway, I ended by saying stay tuned for this prerecorded message, and I do have that for you. But first, I wanna remind you once again, 3rd time, maybe the 3rd time is the charm, and that is, please, if you’re enjoying the Midlife Fulfilled podcast, share it with a friend right now if you haven’t already done that. And if you have, thank you so much. You’re gonna help me reach 3,000,000,000 people with the Midlife Fulfilled podcast. Alright. Here it is. That prerecorded message that I promised.
Bernie Borges [00:27:18]:
Thanks for listening all the way to the end. I hope you enjoyed this episode. And before you go, I encourage you to consider how fulfillment centric leadership can transform form employee engagement and retention in your organization. Let’s collaborate to bring this powerful model to your team, whether it’s a concise 45 minute keynote or a customized full day workshop, I’d love to help you drive meaningful change in your organization. Get in touch through the link in the show notes or visit midlifefulfilled.com to start the conversation. If you’re a first time listener, welcome. I hope you’ll press that follow or subscribe button on your player and stick around. I show up weekly with interviews that inspire people over 40 to thrive in the 5 key areas of life, health, fitness, career, relationships, and legacy.
Bernie Borges [00:28:14]:
And as I sign off for this and every episode, I’ll remind you once again that if you’re 80% fulfilled, you’re doing great. I’ll see you on the next episode.
