Bernie Borges [00:00:00]:
Welcome to a special episode of the Midlife Fulfill podcast. This is Bernie Borges, your host. And you know what? This is the first group podcast recording that I’ve ever done in the history of this podcast. And I have invited a group of fabulous individuals to join me for what I call a panel style conversation. So here’s the plan. In a moment, I’m gonna set the stage for the conversation, then I’m gonna invite each individual to share their insight in response to a specific question. Now I’ve provided everyone a list of questions, and I’ve asked them to choose one question and then share their response. So the topic is fulfillment.
Bernie Borges [00:00:48]:
Imagine that. Now, look, after more than 200 episodes that I published as well as a research report that I published in late twenty twenty four, along with the work that I do as a leadership speaker and a consultant on the power of a fulfilled workforce. You know what? It is blatantly obvious to me that the meaning of fulfillment is not widely understood. In fact, maybe you’ve heard me previously say on the podcast that my BHAG, my big, hairy, audacious goal, is to reach 3,000,000,000 people with the message that personal and professional fulfillment is actually a performance strategy. Now I’m on this journey by reaching leaders at organizations. I’m just not famous enough to reach 3,000,000,000 people on my own. I’m on the journey by reaching leaders at organizations. That’s how I’m gonna reach 3,000,000,000 people with this message.
Bernie Borges [00:02:42]:
So let’s begin with Lydia.
Lydia O’Malley [00:02:47]:
Thanks, Bernie. I’m excited to kick things off. I’m Lydia O’Malley. I’m a training and talent development leader and most recently have worked in the tech software as a surface, service SaaS space. I’m also a boy mom of two tiny tots. My youngest just turned one, and my oldest is a whopping two and a half. So life is beautiful chaos right now. The question that I selected was, at what point in your life did you start thinking differently about fulfillment? This one just really spoke to me.
Lydia O’Malley [00:03:18]:
So, when I think about this question, it really brings me to life stage and circumstances that really shapes how if I think about, like, the before times, You know, before pandemic, before marriage, before kids, you know, I would have answered this question just completely differently. So for a little context, you know, seven, eight years ago, I was in an individual contributor role. I was single. I lived in the city, and my life was basically, you know, rocking it at work, going to happy hour, hanging out with friends, and, you know, hoping to get those opportunities to work on those big high impact, high visibility projects. And and to be able to say, like, I did that. I did that piece of work, and how cool is that? Right? That was incredibly satisfying and fulfilling at the time. But, you know, so much has changed since then. Like, for one, we’ve all lived through a global pandemic.
Lydia O’Malley [00:04:13]:
And personally, in that time, I met my husband, got married, had two kids, and have also moved into a management role at work. And I’ve also gotten really involved in the HR community here. And so, through these experiences, my own view on fulfillment has really just evolved. And so these days, fulfillment looks a lot less like that individual like, the individual wins, right, and a lot more on impact and connection. And I I think a lot about, the people I’ve worked with, how I’ve helped people grow, how I’ve supported and helped shape people’s careers, and and even more so how we just showed up for each other, like, as a team, right, and what that felt like. It’s it’s what we built together and how it felt for everybody involved. And that’s the kind of work that really sticks with me now and feels the most fulfilling. You know, and then, like, layered on top of all of that is this added lens of being a parent.
Lydia O’Malley [00:05:13]:
Right? So when I look at my kids, now I think about fulfillment also in terms of the experiences that I’m creating for them, right, and the memories we’re making as a family. You know, I think about, like, what are those those, family traditions that come down at the dinner table? Like, oh, grandpa so and so always did x, y, and z. Right? Like, those kind of legacy kind of things. And so I think about what do I bring to the table? How am I helping my kids grow? How do I help them be curious about the world, solve problems, develop their own resilience? And it’s it’s really those those little everyday moments, you know, reading with them, helping them navigate tough things, or watching them figure something out for the first time, or even, you know, navigating big emotions, right, can be, let’s face it, just really challenging, but also incredibly fulfilling in a way that I just never really expected. So today, fulfillment for me is really just about about impact, on people, relationships, my family, and the kind of energy and intention that I bring to spaces.
Bernie Borges [00:06:21]:
Wow. That’s beautiful, Lydia. That is really beautiful. I love the fact that you’re kinda thinking about what it means to you today versus what it meant to you in the past in sort of a different season of life. And my big takeaway is just how meaningful fulfillment is to you, how deep it is. You know? I I I sometimes joke that I wanna write a book with the title being happiness is overrated
Amy Carlson [00:06:49]:
because fulfillment is so much bigger than happiness. You know? And that’s kinda what I got from yours.
Bernie Borges [00:06:57]:
In as they say in the news cycle, in thirty seconds, anybody have anything to to add to or comment on Lydia’s?
Heather Johll [00:07:04]:
And congratulations on all
John [00:07:06]:
the things.
Heather Johll [00:07:07]:
Oh, oh, no. I’m sorry about that. I was I was gonna say congratulations on all the things. I know back to back kids like that in making that type of transition. I really liked how you talked about just doing things with more intention. I think that is a huge key into figuring out what does fulfill you. It’s being more in tune with that intention. So that really stuck out to me.
Lydia O’Malley [00:07:25]:
Thanks. Yeah. I appreciate that. I think so I was at a, a panel at work. We were talking about being a working parent and just talking about how, like, as a woman, we talk about, like, you can have everything. And the and the reality is, like, no. You can’t. And you have to be really strategic and intentional about where you can place your energy and when.
Lydia O’Malley [00:07:44]:
And that really also just just struck me as well. So thank
Heather Johll [00:07:48]:
you. Question is, do you want everything? Right.
Bernie Borges [00:07:53]:
John, you were gonna say something?
John Ryan [00:07:55]:
Well, I don’t have much to add to all that except that I like how you’re setting example for other people.
Lydia O’Malley [00:08:00]:
Thank you. I appreciate that. Thanks, John.
Bernie Borges [00:08:04]:
Thank you, Lydia. That was fantastic. Okay. So next up is Amy. Amy, you’re up.
Amy Carlson [00:08:12]:
Alright. Thanks, Bernie. So I’m gonna piggyback a little bit. Lydia mentioned legacy. So
Bernie Borges [00:08:19]:
Wanna introduce yourself, Amy?
Amy Carlson [00:08:21]:
Absolutely. Thank you. Sometimes I forget that part. I’m Amy Carlson, holistic health and business coach, owner of SheForce. And the question I chose, how does fulfillment shape the way you think about your legacy? I’ve been thinking about legacy a lot lately. And this when I first met Bernie, we had a conversation about the difference between satisfaction and fulfillment. And that got me thinking as well. So I’m gonna work this backwards a little bit and work in some things that have come to mind for me just by working with clients.
Amy Carlson [00:09:10]:
So the idea of legacy, mainly the people that I work with, which I’m sure, all of you kind of fit into this as well, but very heart centered people, community minded, big hearted people who know how to give and like to give. And so when I meet people, they can be at a a place where they’re feeling it’s not really the word that they use, but the word is what’s missing. Like, I’ve been giving. I’ve been giving, giving, giving, and I feel like I should be satisfied. I feel like I should be fulfilled. And, so that has got me thinking, about this relationship between legacy and fulfillment and how first of all, legacy, some people and myself included, have had this idea that maybe legacy was for later. And that’s part of what I’m shifting now as legacy is now. It it’s while I’m living, and it’s how I live.
Amy Carlson [00:10:24]:
And legacy is also not it’s not self centered to think about legacy. So, again, you know, from this perspective of being, like, really heart centered thinking that maybe that’s a self centered thing. And I really think that it is a human desire to have some sense of legacy and how it pertains to fulfillment that I have been working with myself lately considering this and and, working with some clients is legacy from the inside out. So for a lot of us that that have been giving, giving, giving, and then hitting a point of, gosh, what’s what’s there’s something missing. And why is that that there hasn’t been the inside work? So that is personally what I’ve been doing myself to getting to know myself, which is a never ending job. Right? Because I’m I’m always changing, and we all are. And that that is that is perfect. That’s how it how it should be.
Amy Carlson [00:11:35]:
And so then as we get to know ourselves, then we can understand what fulfillment is to us and even on a daily basis, what that feels like. And, again, kind of being okay with allowing the shift, allowing the what it can look like from one day to the next can be very different, and that’s okay. And, so that that has been my it’s fun to consider these questions. So thanks for putting those out there, Bernie, and then get together in this way and and share the ideas. But, I’ll just end with this. I used to say, because a lot of what I work with people is around energy, but I used to say my legacy is the energy that I light up in others. But now I add, my legacy is the energy that I allow in myself so that I can light up others, not someday, but today. Thank you.
Bernie Borges [00:12:46]:
I I have a handheld mic over here that I’m gonna pick up and drop. Heather actually put this in the chat. Heather, you’re muted. You can you’re welcome to come off mute if you wanna comment on what you said in the chat.
Shelly Conley [00:13:00]:
Yeah. So legacy is now. I’m gonna carry that with me just so you know. So you just poured, something something into me to consider. But that that is really the truth. If we keep kicking legacy down the path, then are we creating one? So very impactful, three words to to reflect on. So thank you for that, Amy.
Amy Carlson [00:13:24]:
Thank you. Mhmm.
Bernie Borges [00:13:26]:
I agree. Anybody else?
Eldridge Bravo [00:13:29]:
I like what you said about, as we get older, we begin to learn what fulfillment really means to us. Because I think at a younger age, it it means something completely different. I’m gonna talk a little bit about that later, but that really resonated with me, what you said.
Amy Carlson [00:13:45]:
Thank you. I love these thought provoking questions.
Bernie Borges [00:13:49]:
I have heard that as well since the the podcast is the Midlife of Phil podcast. I’ve had many conversations with people who say something along the lines, I really didn’t think too much about legacy until and they they mentioned an age, which is usually over 45 or 50.
Rich [00:14:06]:
Right.
Bernie Borges [00:14:06]:
Alright. Terrific. Well, Heather, let’s go to you. You’re up.
Shelly Conley [00:14:12]:
Alright. Hi. My name is Heather Joel. I am executive that focuses on transformation, and I’m also a speaker. And I focus in on, honestly, transformation and my most recent, I would call it my most recent wins. And let me go ahead and give you the question that I’m going to answer. It is how does health and fitness impact your ability to feel fulfilled? So quick background, at 46 years old and 51, I was two hundred and forty five pounds heavier. And, so I lost the weight.
Shelly Conley [00:14:57]:
I’ve continually, over these these past, what, five and a half years, I think it’s been. And, a lot of folks, you know, the the the pictures are always what, what speak to people. And, of course, because it’s like, woah. Wait a minute. Yeah. But I will tell you, people ask me continually, well, one, what did you do? And, two, how does it feel? So I’ll start with how does it feel. It feels great. It feels like energy coursing through me.
Shelly Conley [00:15:38]:
As a leader, it feels like I have more kind of grit and ability to perform. And sometimes I feel exactly like I did before I lost weight because some days are heavy. And, and I’m still I always tell people, I still feel like I’m me. I just feel like I’m me on my journey. And and so I didn’t abandon. I all the work I did leading up to ’46, was in preparation for years forty seven, forty eight, and so on. Right? And so I’m still kind of the same, woman that I was, but learning and becoming the the person that I I aspire to be. And and I do believe that, it it’s hard.
Shelly Conley [00:16:36]:
And how did I do it? You you know? I’m not gonna tell you that I didn’t sign up for every single program that was available online because I’ve tried all the shakes, and I’ve done all the programs. I’ve counted all the points and all those things, but it was really the work that I did on my mental wellness, my mental health. So bizarre. Right? Because weight loss is calories in, calories out, but the question is why are they going in? Why am I like, this morning to prepare for this, I was like, I need to go walk a couple miles. Right? Which makes sense when you really think about physicality of, like, the the physics. Like, I want my endorphins to be popping and going. Also, I’m very conscious that I need to get some steps in. Right? But, I also read the questions.
Shelly Conley [00:17:25]:
I thought a bit about what we were doing. I listened to a podcast, and so that’s that’s normal kind of standard. But, I’m just really I think of how it’s impacted me, leadership, you know, at work, at home. I just I I I love a little bit harder on me, and and that helps me to to push back out. And I think, Amy, that kinda speaks. You know? I know that the order was random that we went in, but, I believe that I’m teaching the people around me that you can do anything. It requires discipline. But while you’re doing it, you’re getting filled with this sense of confidence and continuance and completion, and and it makes me feel really good.
Shelly Conley [00:18:23]:
And and and I love it, so I just keep doing it. So, basically, it just isn’t it’s multiplying. Right? So I I’m really I am love health and wellness topics and love to speak on them and love to, share my story with people and and continue my story for me.
Bernie Borges [00:18:45]:
Wonderful. Thank you, Heather. Mhmm. Any thoughts? Any anybody wanna add something?
Heather Johll [00:18:51]:
Well, I know for me personally, I I resonate with your journey. Oh, I’m sorry, Rich. Yeah. I I I because I I had to go through that as well too. I’m struggling with my weight, like, up and down, yo yo, like, all the time. And it’s like and when you said points, I was like, oh, she must have done Weight Watchers as soon as you said that. I was like, red, blue, green, purple, which are you? But, I I went through that same journey, and it wasn’t until I started doing some of the self reflection that Amy was talking about, you were talking about as well too, that I actually started seeing a significant change in the point where I could actually keep it off. Because it’s exactly like what you’re saying.
Heather Johll [00:19:24]:
It’s almost understanding, are you using certain things to cope? What are what are your certain reactions to things? Like, it’s very much, like, more mental than it is anything. Obviously, there is discipline that comes in with calories in calories out, but I just am really, inspired by your story, and I’m I’m thankful that you were able to share that.
Shelly Conley [00:19:46]:
Thank you. Thank you. People try to make, life changes, a math equation, And it is. It’s it’s it’s math, and it’s also, emotion, and it’s a bit of art, and trial and error. All of the things. Right?
Bernie Borges [00:20:06]:
Rich, I think you were gonna add something.
Rich [00:20:09]:
I was just gonna say, you know, it it just strikes me that it so aligns with the health and wellness, pillars in your, model, Bernie. You you talk you talk about this quite a bit.
Bernie Borges [00:20:23]:
Right. Right. Health, fitness, career relationships, and legacy of the five pillars for anybody who, may not know, which hopefully by now you won’t know that. But, yes, absolutely. And, Heather, as you know, I’ve heard your story before, but it’s always so inspiring to hear it because for those that are watching on video, I’m speaking to the listener now, the body language, Heather, your body language speaks as much as your words, you know, as you tell your story. So Thank thank you.
Shelly Conley [00:20:53]:
Thank you very much.
Bernie Borges [00:20:55]:
Okay. On my list here, I have John up next. So, John, you’re up.
John [00:21:02]:
I can’t believe I get to follow Heather. That’s great. Because I wanna talk about, fitness too. I’ll get to that for a second. But, Ernie, I mean, Ernie, I’m a little concerned because you said everyone here is fabulous. I’m wondering if I’m in the right room. So
Bernie Borges [00:21:16]:
I I wanted to talk to you about that, John. We’ll go offline. No. I’m kidding. I’m kidding. How did
Heather Johll [00:21:20]:
I want to
Bernie Borges [00:21:20]:
get your introduction? I guess I’m gonna have to remind everybody to do their introduction.
John [00:21:24]:
Thank you. So so, what I do is I’ve I’ve done a lot of stuff in software and whatever, and, I help, tech companies with their go to market strategies and execution. So that’s what I do now. So I wanna talk about the fitness because I think that, what Heather said is a fantastic story, tremendous testimonial. Thank you, Heather. What I I believe in fitness so much, and I know you do too, Bernie. And, you know, I’ve participated in so many ways over the last fifty years. You know, you know, a lot of weight lifting, a lot of running, black belt martial arts, sports, whatever, and I’ve tried to keep it going the whole time.
John [00:22:13]:
The reason is is because I think it’s just so foundational, and it creates a base for everything else that you’re trying to do in life. And it’s always something I can go to and say that’s that’s my time. And I was on a I was on a treadmill one time at a gym about ten years ago, and, there was a young lady that was running next to me, and she must have said about six times, come on, Emily. Come on. And
Heather Johll [00:22:41]:
and
John [00:22:42]:
I had to laugh. I actually had to get off the treadmill because because I was like, I can’t take you punishing yourself like this. I can’t This is supposed to be joyful. Enjoy this. You know? Your body is working. So for a lot of people, you know, it doesn’t work. And and and I’ve had illnesses too, and I’ve had issues that I’ve had to deal with. That that’s just part of the deal along the way.
John [00:23:03]:
But the thing about the thing about fitness and exercise is that, it’s energy, and it makes you so capable of doing what you gotta go do. You’re you’re living the physicality of the world, and you can go do things. You can take action. You know, you’re not being held back. You’re not being inhibited in any way. It’s your body. You know, I saw, Mel Robbins who wrote the book, Let Them, and she was speaking to Oprah. And she said, you know, she had she had read this study where anxiety goes right to your head and everything, goes above your head in regard to anxiety and you live there.
John [00:23:41]:
But, actually, if you just push the anxiety down and touched your heart, you’d you you would feel better and start singing a song and realize that your body is now allowing you to work through the anxiety. And and so your body is just a miracle. So so take care of it, and it will serve you for a long time. The other thing is it’s a mood adjuster. So your your your stress hormones are always there, and it drives that down. And and and and that’s what you need too because, I I mean, I really can’t get through most days without exercising. I don’t like myself when I don’t exercise. I’ve I I’m too, I’m I’m too agitated about things.
John [00:24:19]:
Whereas if I exercise, it just drives all that out. And and so it’s it’s really big to me. And the other thing is just confidence. How you enter a room is important. How you present yourself when you come in and you’re the physicality of you coming in and people looking at you going, that person takes care of themselves. And that means in their mind, because, Bernie, you’re talking about body language. When you’re doing a speech, 80% of what you’re communicating is body language. So when you walk into a room and you’re carrying that physicality, what you’re telling them is I have discipline.
John [00:24:52]:
And whatever thought thought process we’re going through here, there will be discipline applied from where I sit. And and so it’s it’s all those benefits. So it’s so foundational. And and, I think for fulfillment for your life and being example of those around you and trying to get them to live their best life, I just think, for me, there’s just nothing more important.
Bernie Borges [00:25:17]:
Well, John, you know I agree. Any, any other thoughts from the other panelists?
Shelly Conley [00:25:23]:
John, I I really, obviously, I aligned to you on this, and I love the come on, Emily. I’m gonna I’m gonna keep that in the back of my head with some of the self talk I do, occasionally. But I do think that, kind of the that that I show up with a little bit I wear discipline. Today, I’m wearing the word fearless, but I wear discipline when I walk in the room, and and I’ve noticed that shift in me as I adopted a daily regimen that that is, I I don’t even think about it. I just do it and and that I love everything you said. Your body is a miracle. What? Print the T shirt.
Bernie Borges [00:26:07]:
Yeah. I agree.
Lydia O’Malley [00:26:09]:
I also love this too, kind of from a different angle, though. I mean, like, talking about how amazing your body is and all these things, and and I just, you know, had shared that I’m a mom of two young kids. And there’s, yes, a lot to discipline. I had kind of like a high risk pregnancy, for my first, and I had to be very disciplined about my exercise and my diet, you know, things like this. But what’s interesting that I’m really responding to is I’ve had to learn over the course of becoming a mom to to give space for me to give myself grace, right, about my body. There are things going on because of just the miracle of life. Right? Like, being able to bring another human into the world is amazing. And with that, sometimes my body doesn’t look or feel or or do the things that I I want it to do or or shape differently now or or things are kind of, you know, working differently in a way.
Lydia O’Malley [00:27:06]:
And so I think that’s really interesting too to be able to think about your your your body and the physicality of it and what cat can bring to the table when you’re very disciplined, but also making sure that there’s that space as well for kind of that the other things that are going on, and that both sides of the coin are okay and are fine and are beautiful.
John [00:27:27]:
And I think that’s wisdom. I think that’s wisdom. And and so, I can’t comment on having children. I joke I’ve joked before that if a man had a child, he’d he’d be like, look. I just had a child three years ago. I can’t go back to work. For real. So so I can’t comment on that, and and congrats for everything.
John [00:27:48]:
But I think wisdom plays a part in everything. So so you have to whatever you’re deciding to do, however you wanna be obsessed about something, and I’ve got obsessed about things before as you can probably tell, is is, wisdom has to come into the discussion. You have to say, okay. In the context of the wisdom, what am I doing? Yeah.
Lydia O’Malley [00:28:11]:
I love that.
Bernie Borges [00:28:13]:
So we’ve got miracle. We’ve got discipline. We’ve got wisdom. We’ve got a lot lot going on there, John. Awesome. Thank you so much.
John [00:28:23]:
You bet.
Bernie Borges [00:28:24]:
Alright. Up next is Shelly. Shelly, you’re up.
Chelly Conley [00:28:29]:
Thanks, Bernie. So I’m Shelly Conley. I’m a director of human resources for a cybersecurity, awareness organization. I’m also the director of people and culture for a local HR, Tampa chapter. I do a lot of mentoring, my fulfillment is helping people in that way. But, I feel like the question that, really stuck out to me was what one mindset or one habit that I’ve adapted in order to achieve greater fulfillment because that is something that actually I feel like really set off my fulfillment, journey once I became more self aware about it. But, I think for me, it was really switching from a survival mindset and trying to unlearn a lot of things and even realizing I was in a survival mindset. Because a lot of the times you can be in a place where you’re not necessarily in survival, but because you’ve been doing it for so long, your brain will still make certain decisions based off of that.
Heather Johll [00:29:31]:
Not realizing I actually didn’t need to do this because I would have been okay. But because you’re in that survival mindset, you’re like, I’m gonna keep doing these things and you end up like, you know, cutting yourself short so to speak. I, I definitely was the person that Lidio, you what you were talking about as well too where it was, like, seeking out external things. I feel like I’ve always been, somebody that was really career focused, somebody that would be considered, like, a high performer as well too. Chasing those external, validations whether or not it was through recognition, through my performance reviews, through whatever, through climbing the ladder and stuff like that. And it wasn’t until I realized that I wasn’t saying no to anything, and it was becoming at the cost of myself. Like, it basically in my mind, I was like, I have to make it. I have to get to this next level.
Heather Johll [00:30:17]:
I gotta keep going. And it’s like, every time I made it to the next level, I was never actually internalizing the like, I actually was wishing for this probably a few years ago, but my brain was already on, like, but I gotta make it. I gotta make it. And it wasn’t honestly Brandy, I think I told you about this, but it wasn’t until I was talking with, my sister. And she’s she’s probably about, like, eight years older than me. So definitely, someone I look up to who’s, like, a mentor and stuff like that. And I had asked for her advice on, you know, what what do I need to do to get ahead? Is there another cert I should take? Is there another is there a room I need to be in? And she was like, Shelly, like, what or Shell, what do you what do you mean? Like, what are you trying to do? And I was like, I’m just trying to get ahead. So whatever, you know, advice that you have.
Heather Johll [00:31:01]:
And she was like, okay. But ahead of what? Like, what are you trying to get ahead of? And y’all, when I tell you I was shook, like, that ruined my whole day, my whole week, my whole, like because she basically just shattered something that I had been I was just trying to get ahead for, like, ten plus years. And then that one conversation, she made me realize I had no idea what it even was I was trying to get ahead of. And a lot of that was due to that survival mindset. So it was, like, almost calling myself out when I was starting to make these decisions and feeling the need to say yes to things that didn’t necessarily align with me. But I thought that they would look good or I thought that they would lead me to wherever that next thing was to get ahead. And so I think making that shift and, like, the habit that, I would say that I worked on is setting boundaries. And saying no is probably it’s it’s not as tough as it was when I first started because there was it was I would have to hype myself up even in emails.
Heather Johll [00:31:53]:
But I’d be, like, no. Thank you. And it’d be like, you know, people asking me to public speak, like, opportunities I normally would have taken. But, you know, it was like I said, it was becoming at the cost of myself. So it was a lot of what Amy was talking, Heather was talking, John was talking about a lot of self reflection, self work, a lot lot of unlearning, relearning to switch out of that mindset to do things that are more aligned with me and saying yes to alignment versus just opportunity.
Bernie Borges [00:32:20]:
Wow. Another another mic drop, Shelley. Thank you for sharing that. Thoughts?
Elizabeth Rosner [00:32:26]:
I I Shelley, I just love
Lydia O’Malley [00:32:28]:
your whole vibe. And when
Elizabeth Rosner [00:32:30]:
you said yes to alignment versus opportunity, absolutely. Absolutely.
Heather Johll [00:32:35]:
I knew we were people. We both got red. We’re power.
Elizabeth Rosner [00:32:38]:
Exactly. Exactly. Yes. Yeah. That was that was really, really powerful. Yes to alignment. Yeah. That’s beautiful.
Eldridge Bravo [00:32:47]:
I had just a a quick comment. What you said really resonated, hard with me because, I’ve been, known to be a pleaser and have kind of this pleaser mentality. So it’s oftentimes very hard to say no. And, when you can’t say no sometimes, it causes you to lose focus. So that’s one of the great advantages I think of learning how to say no is you’ll prioritize things a a lot better and, you’ll you’ll still get the job done with pleasing people, but you’ll you’ll please yourself in the process and not drive yourself crazy.
Heather Johll [00:33:23]:
No. And that’s the thing is, like, you realize that when you say yes to something you know you should have said no to, like, what like, that it doesn’t align with your values or just something you simply didn’t wanna do, that’s typically when resentment starts to starts to appear, and that’s when it starts becoming at the expense of yourself. Like, you’ll know immediately when you should have said no to something.
Eldridge Bravo [00:33:42]:
Right. Exactly.
Amy Carlson [00:33:44]:
Yeah. And like John said, you’ll know it in your body, right, when it’s when it’s a no. And I love what you said about, the survival patterns, the survival mindset. In order you for you to move to that next like, those are strong. And so congratulations on moving into that that next,
Heather Johll [00:34:06]:
that
Amy Carlson [00:34:06]:
that next level because that that’s that’s a big shift.
Heather Johll [00:34:10]:
Thank you. I appreciate that. It was it was a lot of while. Like, I don’t wanna make light of of that type of mindset for anybody who’s maybe going through that or resonates with that because it’s not easy to unlearn. Like, having to tell yourself that’s always in fight or flight mode, you are okay. Like and believe it. It is not easy.
John [00:34:27]:
Yeah. I mean, I really I I’m I’m sorry. Go ahead.
Shelly Conley [00:34:30]:
Oh, I would say too that it’s great that you identified someone that knows you. And maybe it’s a sister, maybe it’s a friend, maybe it’s a but that you could talk to that could have that moment, and and honor it. Because sometimes we have to otherwise, you’re finding stuff out on your own through consequence versus conversation.
Heather Johll [00:34:54]:
Oh, that’s a mic drop. Yeah. For through consequence, for sure.
John [00:34:58]:
Yeah. I appreciate what you’re saying because, you know, I was not raised wealthy, and I had in my mind, I had to fight for everything. That was the identification I had constructed in my head. And at some point, probably, thankfully that I met my wife, I started to change and and had kid and we had kids. And then I’ve said, okay. You don’t matter anymore. And then that changed me from the inside. And then I got away from, okay.
John [00:35:25]:
You gotta fight for everything to you have to look at the big picture all the time. And then that that started to change me over time. And, I mean, I still put up a fight. Don’t get me wrong.
Heather Johll [00:35:36]:
Right. But
John [00:35:37]:
yeah. I was it’s it’s still there, but I don’t feed that. Yeah. But but I know what it’s like to feel that I need to survive and, you know, it’s it’s, it can be it can be difficult to get over that hump. So good for you.
Bernie Borges [00:35:53]:
Thank you, Chely. Thank you so much. Alright. Up next from a boardroom in some skyscraper somewhere, Eldridge, you’re up next.
Eldridge Bravo [00:36:05]:
Great. Thanks, Bernie. And, to your audience out there, thank you very much, for the opportunity. My name is Eldridge Bravo, and I’m the vice president of sales for a PEO called Engage. And I’ve been in the HR sphere for the majority of my life. It’s a great place to be, and I enjoy it very much. But the question that, really resonated hardest with me was if I could give a younger version of myself one piece of advice about fulfillment, what would it be? And I think what I’d like to do is just kinda back up for a second. Let me begin by describing what fulfillment means to me now because as we’ve already talked about a little bit, how I feel about it now is different from how I felt about it way back when or then when I was a younger person.
Eldridge Bravo [00:36:55]:
So to me, true fulfillment is the a deep sense of satisfaction and really contentment that arises when you’ve aligned your actions, goals, and lifestyle with your core beliefs, values, and purpose. So it’s not always just about achieving success or reaching milestones or goals. It’s about feeling that your life has meaning, true meaning, and that you’re living in harmony with what really matters most to you. So that small piece of advice that I would give myself is never confuse instant gratification with fulfillment or joy. Those things are different. They’re mutually exclusive. And to kinda further explain, here are just some further thoughts that I’d offer myself to avoid any potential confusion between those things. The first thing is, don’t chase society’s definition of success.
Eldridge Bravo [00:37:49]:
And the reason, that I would advise myself not to do that is because society is often wrong when it comes to those things. Money, status, and validation are very fleeting, and, I’ve learned that that lesson kind of the hard way, over the course of my life. Rather prioritize discovering what you value most and then align your thoughts, beliefs, and actions and living with, living in coherence with them. The second thing is, avoiding the trap of comparison. It’s very natural for us to wanna compare and contrast ourselves to others, But we have to take into consideration the fact that other people’s paths are not our own. And, comparing ourselves to others typically only breeds dissatisfaction and distraction or or even worse, contempt and envy. And these are very bad things for our our soul and for our well-being. So if you feel the need to to measure yourself against something, measure it against your own potential, not somebody else’s.
Eldridge Bravo [00:38:53]:
The third thing is, stay connected to your inner voice. You wanna try to quiet the noise of expectations and cultivate introspection. And, I’ve discovered journaling, solitude where I can really get some focus, learning to say no, like Shelly said, meditation, and even therapy can help. Meditation for me is has become really, really important, especially, around the time of COVID. I found myself where I I needed to just kind of unwind a little bit. The whole thing was kinda stressful. Everything was shifting and changing, and I took that opportunity to learn meditation and deep breathing exercises.
Heather Johll [00:39:34]:
So I’ve been doing these now for the better part of five years,
Eldridge Bravo [00:39:35]:
four or five years, discipline perspective, that’s the one thing that I am very, very disciplined on, and it’s done a lot of good for me personally. The, fourth thing would be value progress over perfection. And, you know, fulfillment often grows through the journey, not the destination. So it’s really important for us to take time to measure our progress and celebrate steady progress because that progress just breeds more and more progress as we go along. And remember that it is a journey, you know, not necessarily a destination. Fulfillment is a a state of being. It’s not a destination. Invest in relationships and well-being.
Eldridge Bravo [00:40:22]:
So a meaningful life is a purposeful life often anchored in love, community, health, and sharing through volunteer work. So these things, I’m sure many of of you folks already do. I try to do. I don’t do enough of it, admittedly, and I’d like to do more, especially on the volunteering side because it does, it does provide a sense of fulfillment for me to to give rather than than taking all the time. And the last thing is to say yes to purpose, not pressure. Choose goals that excite your soul, not just to build your resume. And then, on a closing thought, it’s a quote that, really resonated with me from Tony Robbins, somebody that, that I admire. And that is only those who have learned the power of sincere and selfless contribution experience life’s deepest joy, true fulfillment.
Eldridge Bravo [00:41:14]:
So that, kinda wraps up what my thoughts are.
Bernie Borges [00:41:17]:
You, Aldridge. Seems to me, you put some thought into it, and thank you for collecting your thoughts and sharing them. Any, any comments?
Rich [00:41:30]:
You know, it’s it’s kind of crazy that it wasn’t until I hit my forties that I realized that you gotta actually breathe to lift. So those those breathing exercises are just you know, they came into, I I think, the forefront of the of of conversation just in the last few years. So, you know, in my in my case, you know, so, you know, kudos to you on that because, I I got into doing Tai Chi for a while and then, you know, chi gong with that and and, the Wim Hof stuff.
Eldridge Bravo [00:42:05]:
So Oh, yeah.
Rich [00:42:06]:
You gotta your brain is not gonna work unless it gets oxygen. So
Eldridge Bravo [00:42:10]:
That’s right.
Rich [00:42:10]:
The day right.
Eldridge Bravo [00:42:11]:
Cold showers too.
Rich [00:42:15]:
That’s right. It works.
Bernie Borges [00:42:18]:
Thank you. Alright. Elizabeth, I have you up next. Take the virtual stage. Elizabeth.
Elizabeth Rosner [00:42:25]:
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, Bernie. Hey, everybody. I’m Elizabeth Rosner, and the name of my company is Love Revolution. And it comes from a quote by Martin Luther King that says, a social movement that moves merely people is a revolt, but a social movement that transforms both people and institutions is a revolution. And love is revolutionary. And I quote my dear friend Bernie when I say BHAG, because I’ve not heard that term until he shared that with me.
Elizabeth Rosner [00:42:53]:
My BHAG, my big, hairy, audacious goal is teaching 8,000,000,000 people to love 8,000,000,000 people one heart at a time. And the the, quote or the the question that I chose so I love love love, Bernie, that you did this, in a random fashion, and it just is such a natural fit to what Eldridge just shared, is how has my definition of success evolved as I’ve sought fulfillment? Now in Love Revolution, I use the acronym love is letting others voluntarily evolve and letting ourselves voluntarily evolve. So that’s a great way for agape love, for that unconditional love, that cognitive love. I’m not talking about emotions. I’m talking about a choice to see somebody and say you have dignity and you have worth. And, and we’re delighted that you’re on the planet. Whether or not you agree with them or not, whether or not you like them or not or you know, it’s how you can express this love. And for me, success was all about very similar to Chelly, very, similar to, you know, what’s the next thing? What is how can I get to that next level? What does my salary look like? What does my title look like? I was in and around higher ed, and so as I was trying to move up the ladder, you know, that was success.
Elizabeth Rosner [00:44:16]:
And when I retired, I had this opportunity to say, okay. Now what’s next? And I think I I don’t think that I ever linked success and fulfillment throughout my career. I think it was just about do the next thing. Now I loved what I did, but had I had I linked it, it it would have been much a much more deep and rich experience. And so being retired gives me the opportunity to not say, okay. Now I need to be successful in those traditional how much money is coming in, how many sales am I making, that kind of thing. It is that alignment that many of us have talked about. And I I too have five values that I live by every day, which is agape love, this idea that we’re all interconnected, and it’s wisdom, well-being, and creativity.
Elizabeth Rosner [00:45:10]:
And if I’m aligned with that, then that’s a deep rich sense of fulfillment. Honestly, one of my hobbies, one of the things I love to do is networking. And there are so many people that when they’re networking, they’re looking at that ROI on, I’ve had this many meetings with this many people and how many sales have I made or etcetera. I am honored, honestly, that all of that ROI is about fulfillment. It’s about how have I had the opportunity to share this BHAG to say, how can we get more love around the world? How can we how can we look at people and say, the violence isn’t working, the division isn’t working, the polarization is really, really harmful, And how can we come together in this this point of interconnection? And just being with this amazing community is, such a delight and joy. So thank you, Bernie, for having me, and thank you for for, really, this collaboration. It’s just such a powerful way to to think about fulfillment.
Bernie Borges [00:46:13]:
Thank you, Elizabeth, and thank you for sharing your BHAG reaching 8,000,000,000 people. That’s, 5,000,000,000 more than me, so I’m I’m impressed. Thoughts, comments.
Heather Johll [00:46:26]:
Man, there was there was so much in there, and I feel like I related a lot with, like, what your story was. Like, you you said something, and I feel like words are so powerful. So the fact that you’re able to put name to those and have that acumen, for love really, like, blew my mind. And also as well too just talking about how you never linked fulfillment to success. Like, I feel like I never, like, heard it talked about in that way. And so as soon as you said that, I was like, man, I didn’t either. Like, I viewed it as what Eldridge was saying about how, like, you know, we look at success in the sense of, okay, man. Let me make sure I get a house, car, you know, title, jot, like, salary, all those type of things.
Heather Johll [00:47:01]:
And it’s like, all those things show is that you have the ability to secure yourself, that you have security. Like, no one ever asks, are you happy? And I think that’s where the fulfillment has to be linked in with it as well too. And so I just I really resonated with that, I feel like moment you gave me where I was like, I never connected the two either.
Shelly Conley [00:47:22]:
And and I would say too that creativity, it’s interesting because I think once like, when I started going down kind of this path and I had to address my mental wellness and things that allowed me to hug myself. And we’re talking about, like, creativity, and I thought, I don’t know. I just do whatever I’m supposed to do in line with the processes that are already and I make them better, but I don’t make anything from scratch. So, you know, it started being a whole movement that there were coloring books for adults. Right? So I went and bought one and some colored pencils, and then I was like, well, I wonder which colors I should use together. And I thought, what if I just colored? Right? Uh-huh. And so, I recognized in that moment. Now I’m I that I wasn’t creating, for me.
Rich [00:48:13]:
Mhmm.
Shelly Conley [00:48:14]:
And and now I do all kinds of like, I’ll, oh, they’re making lamps over downtown. Maybe I’ll sign up for that or or what have you. I’m not particularly good at any of it, but I enjoy it. Right. And and so I love I think that we chase many things that have some this this value that has a tag attached to it. Yes. When and we forgot about the creative side, and it has to be nurtured. Yes.
Shelly Conley [00:48:45]:
And so I love that that’s one of the values that you discussed, and I and and I think that we the more time we spend there, the better we show up for the things that do have tags on them that we do need to go after too as well just to be, functioning humans. Yeah.
Elizabeth Rosner [00:48:59]:
To me, Heather, what you just said about the LAMP workshop, that is exactly the answer to this question about the definition of success versus fulfillment. Because what you said is I’m not good at it, but I enjoy it. You know? So success is I’m good at it. Fulfillment is I enjoy it. You know? And that that’s such a a perfect perfect example of that. That’s a great example. I I discovered y’all were talking about things you discovered in the pandemic. It was the creativity piece that I discovered in the pandemic.
Elizabeth Rosner [00:49:29]:
And I read every day. I listen to a lot of podcasts. I you know, Bernie’s podcast is now one of my top, top, top favorites that I don’t miss an episode. However, for me, creativity needs to be something that comes from within out for me, for it to be a true outlet. So rather than having arts or something come in, it it needs to to come out. And, I think it was you, Eldridge, talking about your, meditation and breathing practice. That was what I discovered during the pandemic is that I needed to draw or do watercolors or something. You wanna talk about something that I am not good at but I absolutely love, it it’s that.
Elizabeth Rosner [00:50:06]:
And and and there’s joy and delight in that.
John [00:50:10]:
Well, one thing that I I liked about what you said, was the connectedness part. I feel like, there’s so much confusion in the human race because what they don’t understand is we are all connected. And I think what what is sad to me you know, I’ve read so many books on these topics, and what’s sad to me is that it’s like living with the light off. It’s like when you think there’s division, when you think that it’s us and them, you’re basically not allowing yourself to live in a in a lit room that has been given to you.
Shelly Conley [00:50:44]:
Yeah.
John [00:50:45]:
And and so, you know, when I see God, and I do see God, it’s usually in the eyes of the people that I meet.
Heather Johll [00:50:52]:
Mhmm.
John [00:50:53]:
And I can feel I can feel the creation. I can feel the awareness that’s there. Mhmm. And I’m like, okay. Well, this is my church. This is a good person.
Heather Johll [00:51:03]:
Yeah.
John [00:51:03]:
And we go from there. Right? But when we don’t understand the connectedness of everybody and we say and we say, I don’t believe in that. We’re better than these people. I just think, well, you have a low IQ problem.
Bernie Borges [00:51:16]:
You know, John, you remind me of, the very few people that have ever had the privilege of going up in space. What almost everyone comes back and says is they look down on Earth and go, why can’t we just all live as one big global community? You know? Because they they they the perspective they have when they look down on the planet is it’s one planet. And we are down here living as, you know, a 50 different countries and cultures and disciplines and opinions and so on. But, anyway, good stuff. We could we could easily keep all of this going. So I’m gonna keep us moving, and I’ve got next up on the panel is Rich. Rich, you’re up.
Rich [00:51:59]:
Hey, everyone. I’m Rich Cruz. I’m, an organizational development consultant in the Chicagoland area. My company is Harmonious Workplaces. We have the Harmonious Workplaces podcast as well as this little guy, Hermey, the HR hermit crab. That’s our book, which I coauthored and illustrated. And that’s been that’s been a bit of fulfillment for me because, after the age of 40, I finally said the I was gonna be a a cartoonist. Yeah.
Rich [00:52:30]:
So, we put together that book, last year. So, the question that I wanted to address, there there were two, and I’m only gonna do the one. But, yeah, at first, it was like, how do you find personal fulfillment side of work and being effect to be more effective at work? But the one before that, which is how can leader what can leaders do to create a more fulfilling workplace for people 40? That one just hits right here in the heart. It’s just the it’s just the one that I aligned with because, you know, it’s I I I think there’s several things that companies can be doing to support those people, that are, you know, that are in that, you know, frankly protected class, if I could say that. You know, and one of those things, I think, is to allow them to do this something that comes very natural to us. There’s a there’s a psychologist, Eric Erickson, who has different life cycle stages in life. Right? And at this stage of life, there’s, this generativity versus stagnation. So we want to provide the knowledge, skills, and abilities to
Heather Johll [00:53:49]:
the younger generations, right, by sharing and and to our peers, right, by sharing
Rich [00:53:55]:
what we know and our experiences and raising raising people up and keeping the culture going. Right? Versus we’re gonna stagnate. We’re not gonna grow, and our growth comes from being able to move people forward in that direction. But if we are not ourselves getting and and I would say we, people over 40 in the workplace. Right? If we, don’t have the ability to do that or if we feel like some of our needs are going to be, sacrificed, you know, so we’re gonna either lose, you know, Maslow’s hierarchy. We’ve got physiological needs. We’ve got safety needs. We’ve got, love and belonging, esteem, and then the highest need of self actualization.
Rich [00:54:45]:
Right? If we if we have the safety need, you know, our, like, job is at stake, we’re not going to share because we’re our amygdala, that reptilian brain is just gonna go crazy and say, yeah. We’re not going to I’m I am gonna protect myself, and I’m going to lay low and do my thing. Right? But if we can actually have some psychological safety that says, hey. You know what? If you if you are going to help us to bring the rest of the workforce into alignment with the organization and and, and have that sense of bringing people into a sense of belonging, and then helping to share that that institutional knowledge that you have and you that you’ve, accumulated and curated throughout your your career and your life, frankly, and you can provide mentorship to to others, you know, we we wanna encourage that. So I think organizational leaders, if they want to create, maintain a culture, is to, have a learning culture. And that, I think, largely starts with, we’re working with the people who have some experience, longevity, and and either in the organization or in in the industry itself. You know? So I could could go on with that for for a lot of things, but I I I one other thing I wanna say, though, on that is that, you know, people in that life stage. Right? I mean, we also have hormonal changes, brain changes that are occurring, you know, physiologically, psychologically.
Rich [00:56:39]:
And so there there are instances where our anxiety is higher. We may feel inadequate because we may feel like, you know, we’ve got new talent coming in that and we are not they they may know more than us or whatever. You know? So those those types of threats are things that we feel, and then we also have things like mood swings that just tap it. You know? They were people. Just having some sense of acknowledging that in the workplace, I think, really helps, leaders to have some more empathy, be, you know, be more open to to that, and then that just is gonna help people be more effective at work.
Shelly Conley [00:57:27]:
Yeah. Rich, I got an I’m, like, dying to jump in here because I agree so much about, so fun fact, I work in accounting, and I’ve been in accounting for six years, and I have absolutely zero accounting background or finance for that for that matter. The reason that I am in this group, in this very large organization is because they said, what do you wanna do? And I said, well, I want I just need to make a difference. Like, I feel this gigantic need to make a difference. And I would have never 20 year old me would have never worked in a discipline that I wasn’t trained in. But late forties, early fifties me says, wait a minute. I get to go and bring value and introduce things and be in front of people and develop wellness zones and and all this create this this this work that didn’t exist and give back. And I guess I’ve never looked at it as that’s the new I guess I just was doing it, kind of, you know, how you’re doing something, you don’t realize it, you transitioned into a different space in your life.
John [00:58:41]:
Mhmm.
Bernie Borges [00:58:42]:
But
Shelly Conley [00:58:42]:
I I literally now can’t do work that doesn’t feel valuable to others. If I’m doing that work, I’m doing it to get it done, versus doing it to expand it and and continue it. So I love what you just said, and I think organizations miss that. And when you look at the population and where people are in their careers, if you can, as as a leader or even a senior executive, think a little bit differently, then the whole person can be addressed at work. And I that’s so important. So I I I love what you just said and grateful that you said it.
Rich [00:59:23]:
Well, thank you. Thank you.
Lydia O’Malley [00:59:25]:
Mhmm. I like that too. And, you know, I I was just thinking about one of the, kind of most fulfilling or, you know, like, best workplace teams or environments that I’ve been in. We did, like, a, a red, yellow, green status, like, a weekly sort of, how are you feeling this week? How are you showing up to work? And it was you know, it’s one thing to ask people to be vulnerable about where they are, but it’s another to see that, hear that, and then honor it. Right? So I’ve been on teams where you have to, you know not have to, but you you’re invited, right, to say, oh, I’m green. And you don’t have to say why. You can say, I’m red today, and you don’t have to say why. And the team is respectful.
Lydia O’Malley [01:00:07]:
They flex. They kinda say, well, maybe I’ll check-in with you tomorrow. Maybe we can talk about this thing later in the week. You know what I mean? It allows you to meet somebody where they’re at to have just, like, a better experience or a better collaboration or better input, what have you. On the flip side, I’ve also been on teams that follow that structure. But if you say I’m yellow, it’s like, oh, no one else is saying they’re yellow. You know? Something like that. Mhmm.
Lydia O’Malley [01:00:30]:
And so it’s not just having those indicators and those, like, systems set up, but it really is that team environment and that way that you as a leader or a peer or a colleague show up for one another and honor that space and honor that vulnerability as well, which I think makes so much more, like, richer kind of relationships with people and, just richer experiences. So I really and your name is Rich. So I really liked what you’re saying.
Rich [01:00:58]:
Well, there there’s there’s certainly a a social aspect, you know, that that we need, in order to I mean, that’s that’s where the the, cultural norms stem from, right, is is our our formal learning, our training, and that type of thing. But the informal learning, the interactions that we have with the other people, that begets our normative behaviors, and that’s that’s what creates culture, you know, within the organization. So yeah. Very good.
Bernie Borges [01:01:29]:
Great. Thank you for that. That was another great discussion, and we are now at the last panelist. And, Sarah, before I bring you up to the stage, I just wanna thank you for, your willingness to go last. Not that there was any choice in the matter or there was any rhyme or reason to it. But for that, we’re gonna give you an hour. You have one hour to present your story. Okay.
Bernie Borges [01:01:53]:
I’m kidding a little bit, but take as much time as you need, Sarah. Thank you so much for joining us. You’re on stage.
Sarah Hatfield [01:01:59]:
Hello. I’m Sarah Happel. No. I have no following last because I usually go quick, and I’ll keep it short. So I’ve changed my question, like, three times now since we’ve been on the call. So it kept giving me an opportunity to change it. So, again, I’m Sarah Hatfield. I’m based in Chicago.
John Ryan [01:02:14]:
I work in a people operation space. So both, from talent strategies to people and culture development teams. So all of this really resonates. So the question I’m going to do now because I’m last, I think, ties in everybody’s conversations today, which is what are you still striving for? Words that stood out to me when I wrote this earlier this week is alignment. I think it continues to change. I don’t think there’s one answer for FOMO. I don’t think there’s one answer for me. I don’t think there’s one answer for anyone else.
John Ryan [01:02:43]:
I think, for me, individually, it’s about making a meaningful impact. For me and the roles I’ve had in my life, it’s making continually fostering authentic relationships, and then continuing to grow both personally and professionally. And what that means for me is staying curious, trying new things. I think Heather talked about doing labs. Other people you know, sometimes that fulfillment comes in ways you don’t think about. So continuously learning, being curious. I think the other thing that really stands out to me about fulfillment from my younger self to now is there isn’t a finish line. So, you know, there isn’t a destination.
John Ryan [01:03:23]:
It’s gonna continue to evolve. It’s a process. I think it’s staying present, being intentional, and learning to be at peace with the process and over perfection. And I have to tell you the perfection part is super hard. So I think sometimes we wanna do something and do it right and do it well, to our best ability, but it isn’t necessarily gonna be perfect. And so I think that’s a key. And I think the other piece of fulfillment for me is, continuing to listen to both our mind and body, but not let our mind be a critic.
Bernie Borges [01:03:56]:
That your last comment. Not let our mind be what?
John Ryan [01:03:58]:
A critic. Because I think our we’re our own worst critics, many cases.
Bernie Borges [01:04:05]:
Okay.
Heather Johll [01:04:06]:
They’re finding finding peace in the process. I feel like that really, like, puts you right here because, like, for some so I I feel like for for me, a part of my core values has always been, like, logic. And so I’m always somebody that thinks, like, you know, 80 steps ahead and, like, you know, it’s definitely served me. It’s something that’s protected me. It’s something that’s kept me out of stuff, but it prevented me from doing a lot of things as well too. Because I my mindset was very much of, like, one plus one doesn’t it equals doesn’t equal two. I’m not go. It doesn’t make logical sense.
Heather Johll [01:04:35]:
And so having to kinda shift that and understand that, you know, things will come to you when you’re in alignment and you have to find peace in that process is probably one of the most scariest things that I’ve ever done. Like, you get all the feelings in your body, but you have to trust yourself and find peace in the fact that you know that if you’re doing stuff in alignment, it’s gonna be for you. But when you said that, I was like, oh, that’s scary. That’s been one of the most scariest things I’ve done.
Shelly Conley [01:05:02]:
It and I think too, Shelley, talking about the process. So, one, recognizing that it is a process, but also that you hold the pen. And what I’ve become really aware of and we I don’t use a pen for anything at my desk, but I have one right here, that I hold my pen. And whenever I give my pen to someone else, that’s when I I lose some of the authenticity of me. But it’s easy to give the pen away. It’s so easy to hand it over. And so, knowing that I’m writing my story that it’s that it’s mine and and, yes, I seek feedback. I seek excellence, but I also am okay with scribbling out things.
Shelly Conley [01:05:48]:
But maybe that’s not for someone else to do. Right? So so I love, your words and and and what what was just said, and, I think we do need to keep in mind the pen. So
Rich [01:06:03]:
Oh, Heather, you’d you’d, like, open up a whole discussion on, like, the use of art artificial intelligence, like, outsourcing your brain, handing the pet over to, you know, something, something rather than someone. That’s right. Yeah.
Lydia O’Malley [01:06:20]:
I think this is a really fascinating topic as well, particularly when we talk about, like, progress over perfection and, like, you know, in this context of the, the process. And and even just, in my experience as, like, a leader or a people manager type of a role, it’s you know, when we talk about perfection, and alignment, it’s really this this space and this balance of this is the direction we’re going. And I got something in my mind, but having the humility to be like, you know, that might not be 100% the way it has to be, and I want someone else’s input or I want someone else’s take. And to be able to, like, to not only, bring that in and weave it through and have that space, but to be able to say, like, hey, person on my team, this is a really stretch assignment for you. You’ve never done anything like this, but I want you to be able to learn how to do this, and it’s gonna be awesome. Like, we’re gonna do it together. It’s gonna be great. And to allow them that space to sort of, like, play around and say, oh, I’m gonna take this thing or I’m gonna try this.
Lydia O’Malley [01:07:26]:
It’s such for me, it’s such a really awesome experience to be able to to to hold that space and have that kind of an opportunity for someone. And then remember that my role is not to say, well, this was what was in my brain, and so because of that, it’s wrong and whatever. But to say, wow. I didn’t even think about it in that way. Could I be wrong? Could this actually be the right? There’s a level of humility there as well. And it’s always thinking about what is this in service of? What is this aligned to? And I think so many times we forget about that as well. When we do talk about progress over perfection, it’s like whose measurement of perfection? Whose definition of what perfect is? Right? And being able to say, are we headed in the right direction? Does this serve what we need to do? And is there space for creativity? Maybe that’s actually the right way, and what I had thought might not actually be right. And so, Heather, when you’re talking about, like, holding the pen, I love that of being able to, like, own your narrative, but also this this metaphor of handing it to someone else as well and saying, help me along this way of being of of progress, right, of of making my journey and making you a part of that journey as well.
Lydia O’Malley [01:08:40]:
So I love that.
Elizabeth Rosner [01:08:42]:
Sarah, one of the things that, that you talked about, you know, in terms of curiosity and it’s exactly a little bit what Lydia is saying to you is, I read I think it was last week or this week. It was what whatever thing you’re seeking, if you knew that it was only 25 failures away, how quickly would you get to those 25 failures? You know, it’s that perfection that keeps us paralyzed that says, oh, I can’t I can’t make that misstep because otherwise, Lydia, who is my people manager, is gonna freak out and fire me or whatever. You know? And and instead, Lydia’s like, oh, no. No. No. We’re gonna be really creative, and we’re gonna create this space, and Sarah’s gonna make sure that we all get curious. And so if something is a failure, but it’s the next step to the thing that we really, really want, then, it it takes away that stink. Takes away that stigma.
Lydia O’Malley [01:09:34]:
I always tell my team, something that you might think is a failure is just another another data point. That’s all it is, and it just helps us move forward. So couldn’t agree more.
Bernie Borges [01:09:44]:
Thank you, Sarah. Thank you for, all that conversation. And, I am gonna begin to wrap here, and a few things that I I’ve been thinking about that I wanna close this out with. First of all, I’ll state the obvious here. It’s been an amazing conversation. We this recording is gonna be somewhere in the vicinity of an hour fifteen, twenty minutes ish. And, even in that small amount of time, I think we have captured decades and decades of life experience and wisdom. And I think you would all agree with that just based on not only what you all shared, but the conversation that has taken place.
Bernie Borges [01:10:23]:
So I just wanna sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart for showing up today so openly, so vulnerably, so authentically, and really sharing from the bottom of your heart. Each of you just have added such a unique voice to this whole conversation about fulfillment, which is my jam. Right? And I know that, those that listen to this podcast and or watch this podcast are gonna take away something very, very, very meaningful. I’m gonna produce a pretty extensive show notes for this, but just a couple of notes that I made during our time together on some some key points, that I just wanna mention in wrapping here. You know, things like, the fulfillment associated with having children, the journey in our fitness journey, our body is a miracle, legacy starts now, the power of wisdom and discipline, letting go of survival mindset, learning to say no, and saying yes to alignment versus opportunity. No is a complete sentence. Man, I’m gonna steal that one. Don’t confuse instant gratification with joy.
Bernie Borges [01:11:31]:
Avoid the trap of comparison. Stay connected to your inner voice. Value progress over perfection. Say yes to purpose. And love, letting others voluntarily evolve. Wow. And then the importance of psychological safety for people 40 in the workplace and chase alignment to continue to grow personally and professionally. This whole fulfillment journey, there’s no finish line for it.
Bernie Borges [01:12:00]:
And then, to top it all off, the the power of the pen metaphor. So, again, just so much packed into let’s call it rounded up to an hour and a half. And I wanna speak now to my listener, and that is the following. This is the very first time I’ve ever done this group podcast format. So listener, if this format resonates with you, I’m willing to do more of them. In fact, I’ll even create a space where people can apply to participate in a future panel recording like this. So let me know what you enjoyed about this format and whether you’d like to see more of it. I definitely would really, really love to get your feedback on it.
Bernie Borges [01:12:40]:
The way to get me feedback is number of different ways. You can message me on LinkedIn if we’re connected on LinkedIn. Even if we’re not, you can still do that. Same thing with Instagram, or you can just email me. Just go to the show notes page, and you’ll see a link there to my my email address. And just tell me what you liked about this group format and if you wanna see more of it. I have to say, I’m a little biased, but I have to say that I thoroughly thoroughly loved this experience, and I hope that my panelists agree. So on that note, panelists, listener, everyone, I’m gonna close this out, and I just wanna remind everyone that fulfillment is a personal and professional performance.
Bernie Borges [01:13:21]:
This is Bernie Borges, your host, and I’ll see you on the next episode of the Midlife Fulfilled podcast.
