A Lee Judge [00:00:02]:
And welcome to the Midlife Fulfilled podcast. Now you might notice the voice is a little bit different. This is Ailey Judge. I am going to be your host today, and it’s a very special episode, episode 200 of the Midlife Fulfilled podcast. And what’s really special about this episode is we’re gonna flip the script on Bernie Borges. He is going to be the guest, and I’m gonna be the host. So here’s our chance to learn a lot more about your host and the creator of the Midlife Fulfilled podcast, Bernie Borges. Again, I’m Ailey Judge.
A Lee Judge [00:00:36]:
I was actually with Bernie on episode 39, and he really brought out some vulnerable conversation. And this is what we’re gonna do to Bernie today. So welcome to your show, Bernie Borges.
Bernie Borges [00:00:51]:
Thank you, Lee. This is this is great. This is great. I’m looking forward to this, and thank you so much for for doing this. I’m really excited. I I can’t think of anyone else that I’d rather flip the script with. This is
A Lee Judge [00:01:02]:
gonna be fun. So, you know, Bernie, you always talk about the 5 pillars, you know, health, fitness, career, relationships, and legacy. I know from personal experience, you really draw these things out of your guests and your listeners get a chance to really be fulfilled with just listening to all the people and the different personalities and experiences, that you you you discuss on your show. And what I wanna do on this particular episode, since it’s all about you, I wanna get some background about Bernie Borges. Now you and I met 7 6, 7 years ago, and I’ve gotten to know you as a very thoughtful, kind, friendly person. We connected on several levels. But whenever someone has that kind of effect on you, they they they show you that they’re a good person, that doesn’t come from just anywhere. They have a backstory.
A Lee Judge [00:01:55]:
There’s something about them and their upbringing that brought them to that point. So, Barry, I wanna ask you, what was your, life like growing up? I know family always has a lot to do with that. So tell us about your family dynamic growing up.
Bernie Borges [00:02:09]:
Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, I was born and raised in New York City. So I’m a New York City kid. And, you know, they say that, you can take someone out of New York, but you can’t take the New York out of them. And I would say that that’s true. I left at age 25, so really spent, you know, my my early years in New York City.
Bernie Borges [00:02:33]:
I’m an only child, and my parents, were immigrants from Cuba. So they came over just before the the Castro regime came to power, in the mid fifties. And I came along in 1957. I’ve shared with my listener many times, what my age is, so you can do the math if you wanna figure it out now. And growing up as an only child was both good and and a struggle. I grew up in Queens, New York, and I was surrounded by families that were mostly large families, Lee. Kids of, you know, families of 3, 4, 5, 6 kids in these homes. And and there are a lot of kids in the neighborhood.
Bernie Borges [00:03:17]:
And there I was, just me. And so I was always a little jealous of my friends that had these bigger families. The good thing is none of them ever made me feel weird about that or inferior. In fact, just the opposite. Everybody, which I think is part of, how I became the person that you said that I am. Just, you know, someone that can can just be nice and friendly and kind to people. In Queens, New York, like, every home could be your home. Like, if every every kid I played with, if I ended up at their house for dinner, like, that was okay.
Bernie Borges [00:03:54]:
If one of my friends ended up at my house for dinner, like, that was okay. In fact, my best friend growing up, his name is Brian, we used to eat Thanksgiving dinner at each other’s home. Meaning, I would eat at his home, and then a couple hours later, he’d come over and eat it in my home. So I think it was just that family dynamic. And then, you know, we had our family as well, but I’m talking about outside of my immediate, you know, parents. But we had cousins and that sort of thing. So really just a family dynamic that was just all about always all about being kind and respectful to people. I was just brought up with great values.
Bernie Borges [00:04:33]:
One of the things that I say is that my dad, who is not an educated man in terms of formal education, always taught me the value of an education. And at an early age, he encouraged me to get an education. He never said you you should, you have to, anything like that. He just encouraged me. And one of the ways that he encouraged me, Lee, was he said that he was deprived of an education, and he wished that he had an education. And then he became an example by, in his early forties, going to school at night for accounting, so that he could do a career transition from doing manual labor, which he was doing. And he wanted to get out of that because he figured he couldn’t do that the rest of his life because part of his body was beginning to slow down. And he just took accounting classes at night and was able to get a job doing bookkeeping back in the day when you literally kept books, especially, you know, long before accounting software, that sort of thing, was prolific.
Bernie Borges [00:05:31]:
So, really, it was just all about family, and I think growing up in Queens, New York, really sort of cemented that. It was really, really a family environment.
A Lee Judge [00:05:40]:
But I’ve seen you in lots of different social environments, and you seem to to not meet a stranger. You’re open and welcome to all kinds of people. Does growing up in Queens and having, I guess, Cuban descent, does that did that multicultural experience or did you have one growing up, and does that affect how you see the world now?
Bernie Borges [00:06:04]:
I think the short answer to that is absolutely yes. Meaning, the diversity. So, yeah, I was exposed to you could just imagine New York City. It’s often been called the melting pot of the world. Right? So the diversity that I grew up in was as diverse as it comes, you know. I mean, that was just my world. So from childhood, I was exposed to people of all all types and backgrounds and religions and colors and you name it. So diversity was never anything that I had to think about and accept or it was just part of life.
Bernie Borges [00:06:43]:
You you know? It was just the world that I grew up in. You know, we are we are who we are based on how we grew up and what we’ve been exposed to for for years years years. So when all you know, all you see around you on a daily basis from from childhood is diversity of every kind, then that’s just life. That’s just normalcy. So I would say, yeah. Absolutely.
A Lee Judge [00:07:07]:
And that’s easy to tell, I think. When you meet someone, you can tell what they’re used to seeing on how they react to the people around them. And I think that really shows in you that you’re open to seeing people and to to learning about them. You’re a great listener, and that comes from being open to to listening to people, different kinds of people and learning and being interested in their stories. So how is it that, you know, as you went through life, grew up, tell us about that, maybe the era before before married adult Bernie. What happened in that time that may have also molded who you are now?
Bernie Borges [00:07:44]:
Well, the the advice that my my dad gave was really, profound. When he said to me that he was deprived of an education and he was deprived at really out of poverty. He had to go to work as a kid. He was one of 6 kids in cuba and, you know, for in a working class family and so he had to go to work to contribute to put food on the table. And so that was the reason he couldn’t get a formal education beyond, I think, 8th grade. And so he just instilled in me the value of education and that was huge. So in high school, I set my sights on going to college. I set my sights on going to a college that we couldn’t afford.
Bernie Borges [00:08:31]:
And back in those days, if scholarships existed to the degree that they exist today, I didn’t know about them. I will tell you this, the Internet didn’t exist, so there was no way to research them the way, you know, we can research scholarships today. So going to, I remember I used to say that I wanna go to UCLA. I just for whatever reason. And long story short, I ended up going to a local community college, which was very affordable, and I did that, you know, living, with my parents. And then I set my sights on going to Pace University. Now it may not be, a recognized name. It’s not a big name, but it is a private, university in New York City, downtown New York in the Wall Street area.
Bernie Borges [00:09:12]:
And in New York, it’s well known, and it’s recognized and respected as as a good school, a business school. So I knew that my parents couldn’t afford to send me there. So after I’ve I got my associate’s degree at the community college, I decided to go into Manhattan. I put on a suit. I said I’m gonna get a job in in a big city and, and then work full time and then apply to Pace and go to school go to Pace University in the evening. That’s exactly what I did. I walked into this humongous, agency. By agency, I mean, employment agency.
Bernie Borges [00:09:48]:
Mhmm. And and I naively thought that they could send me to some job opening. And to make a long story short there, what what they did, Lee, was like, hey, Bernie, you should work here. You can make a lot of money here. And I did. I went to work there on straight commission, and I lasted about 6 months. But the only reason I lasted only 6 months is because I placed myself. I took on a client who was, selling technology training, and I got to know them.
Bernie Borges [00:10:23]:
And then I just said, hey, I’d like to come sell for you. And they said, come on over. So I went into, technology training sales. I think I was early twenties, like 21. I applied to Pace University. I got in and I started on my journey, Lee, to to to finish my bachelor’s degree at Pace University. And I remember a conversation that I had with my parents when I told them that I was gonna go do this. That I was gonna go to school at night.
Bernie Borges [00:10:51]:
I said, hey, I got into Pace University. I’m gonna pay for it. You don’t have to worry about any of the financial responsibilities. It’s all on me. And my mom my parents are deceased. They’ve been deceased now for 7 10 years between the 2 of them. And I remember my mom saying to me, she didn’t even realize the impact of what she said. She said, oh, Bernie.
Bernie Borges [00:11:12]:
I can’t believe you’re gonna do that. It’s so hard to go to school at night. And then she said the following. She said, you’re never gonna finish. Little did she know what motivation that gave me. And Lee, for the next 7 years no. 5 years. 5 years, not 7 years.
Bernie Borges [00:11:31]:
It was 7 years in total including my associate’s degree. For the next 5 years, I went to school at night 12 months a year. So there was fall semester, spring semester, summer semester 1, weekend off, summer semester 2, weekend off like Labor Day weekend and then fall semester again. For for 5 years, I went 12 months a year at night. And I was working during the day and I was working with a bunch of 20 something year olds that became buddies of mine. And guess what they were doing every night after work? They’re going out. I mean, this is in Manhattan. Yeah.
Bernie Borges [00:12:07]:
And they’re like, come on, Bernie. Come on. After a while, they they got the message that, no, Bernie’s focused on getting his education. And most of the time, 99% of the time, I didn’t go. Every once in a while, you know, I would treat myself a little bit, but it was really exception, not the norm. So the point I’m getting at, that was a huge life lesson for me. And by the way, and I have told this story before, but it was many episodes ago. Mhmm.
Bernie Borges [00:12:32]:
And that was a huge not just a life lesson for me, Lee, it was a humongous sense of fulfillment. Humongous. Because I achieved something that was hard, and I made my parents very proud. I never rubbed it in my mom’s face, but I inside of me, I’m like, yeah, mom. I’m gonna show you, and I did. But, again, I never rubbed it in her face. I just, you know, reveled in the pride that they had. You know, my mom had a high school degree, but no college.
Bernie Borges [00:13:04]:
My my dad didn’t even have high school even though he went for accounting classes at night just to make a career transition, but he didn’t have a high school degree. And they were both immensely proud. And you know what? I was proud. I was proud of what I achieved, especially doing it at night.
A Lee Judge [00:13:20]:
Well, I wanted to ask you about that. So you were motivated by your mother kinda teasing that you that’s gonna be hard to do. You you you won’t finish. Would you say that you’re motivated by a challenge to to prove something even to yourself?
Bernie Borges [00:13:37]:
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I I think another example of that is in 2008, I, so I live in the Tampa area. And in 2008, during that time, I was very intentionally active in the local business community, and I would do any speaking opportunity that I got. And I was able to get a lot of them. And one of them was a, a local, I forget what it was called. Something about the Tampa Bay CEO Group, something like that. It might have been that that might have been it.
Bernie Borges [00:14:09]:
And so I was a featured speaker, and at the time, I was early, fairly early. I was already in business about 5 years in my digital marketing agency. So I was invited to speak, or I got myself booked to speak about digital marketing strategy, whatever that was in 2008. Right? Mhmm. And so I go and I speak. There’s probably 80 to a 100 people in the room, and, allegedly, they’re CEOs. They may they may not all be CEOs, and these are mostly small to midsize businesses. These are not fortune 500 CEOs.
Bernie Borges [00:14:43]:
And at the end of the presentation, Lee, there was a line to talk to me, to ask me questions. Mhmm. Yes. I picked up some clients. No question about it. I did. But but almost every person that came up to me standing in line to talk to me, almost every person said, Bernie, you should write a book. You’ve got your book in your slides.
Bernie Borges [00:15:05]:
So I’m driving home feeling really high, feeling really good about the whole experience because it was a great experience. And all these people said, you should write a book. You’ve got a book in your slides. So I said, I’m gonna do it. I’m gonna write a book. I’ve got the book in my slides. So I go online, I was on Linkedin by then. I don’t know if it was Linkedin or wherever I but somewhere on social media, I announced in a post, I’m gonna write a book.
Bernie Borges [00:15:37]:
Mhmm. And Lee, that’s the reason I wrote it. Because after I posted, I’m like, okay. I’ve gotta do it now.
A Lee Judge [00:15:47]:
I’ve gotta do it now. There’s no going back. People will hold you accountable.
Bernie Borges [00:15:50]:
That’s right. That’s right. Wow. And I did. I did. It’s it’s it’s it’s in fact, for those that are watching on video Yeah.
A Lee Judge [00:15:58]:
What’s the name of it? Because I can’t see it.
Bernie Borges [00:16:00]:
It’s marketing 2.0. I’m trying to point to it on video. It’s hard to do that, but there it is. Right there. That’s the cover right there. Marketing 2.0.
A Lee Judge [00:16:06]:
If you can see it. Okay.
Bernie Borges [00:16:09]:
Yeah. And it it it published in 2009. And by the way, the book was not on the slides. It was a lot of work.
A Lee Judge [00:16:16]:
A lot of work. As good as art. Yeah. Well, I wanna I wanna get back to to your motivation here and and also family. Because we’re gonna talk about career. We’re gonna talk about the agency. We’ll learn about that too. But my guess is as you got into the career and the agency, that something happened also personally.
A Lee Judge [00:16:36]:
So when did, you know, family your own family come into play during this, this time period?
Bernie Borges [00:16:43]:
Sure. So, I got married by the way, I grew up in New York, but then I left New York, and I moved to California. And I lived in the San Francisco Bay Area, affectionately known as Silicon Valley. And that’s where I met my wife. So I got married to my wife, Jean, in, the San Jose area. Did
A Lee Judge [00:17:05]:
you meet through work? Or how did you all meet?
Bernie Borges [00:17:07]:
Oh, boy. That’s a story. How much time are we gonna give ourselves here? So before there were dating apps, there were actually dating services. I’ve gotta tell the story. I was I was in sales, and it’s I’ll come I’ll come back to your question. I was in sales for Eastman Kodak, which was the precursor to the current small version of Kodak. Kodak has really shrunk, over the last several years, many years. But back in those days, when film was still a thing, right, who uses film now for anything? Right? Kodak was the king of film and I worked in there.
Bernie Borges [00:17:46]:
I sold in their business imaging systems division. So we sell we sold turnkey systems to businesses to essentially convert high volumes of paper documents. This is the eighties. High volumes of paper documents, convert them to film, and then have all those paper documents stored as images across the span of dozens or 100 or even thousands of rolls of of processed film, and then have it all indexed in a computer, a mini a stand alone mini computer. Anyway, so I was in sales doing that. And one day, I was with a colleague who was somebody had been with Kodak for decades, and he was in his early sixties, and he was divorced, and he was he had joined this dating service. So it’s the end of the day, it’s like 5 o’clock, and I’m the passenger, and he says, Bernie, we’re gonna make a stop here, and you just have to sit here and wait for me. And I asked him what it was, and he told me that it was called Great Expectations.
Bernie Borges [00:18:47]:
So How old
A Lee Judge [00:18:48]:
are you at this point? 27.
Bernie Borges [00:18:53]:
27. Okay.
A Lee Judge [00:18:54]:
Alright. Just wanna put in context. Mhmm. And, you
Bernie Borges [00:18:57]:
know, we’re dressed in our suits because back in the day, that you wore suits, you know. So he goes in, and I sit in the car for, like, 30 seconds, and I’m like, I’m gonna go in. I’m not gonna sit in the car. So I walk in there. And to make a long story short, the, the people that work there just, like, attacked me. And what I mean by they attacked me was there were more women in their library of of people than there were men. So there was a shortage of men. They needed more men.
Bernie Borges [00:19:25]:
And a lot of the men were older. So here’s this 20 something year old guy that walks in, so they just kind of attacked me. They gave me a deal I couldn’t refuse. So there I am signing up for the service.
A Lee Judge [00:19:36]:
Yeah. You’re literally fresh meat.
Bernie Borges [00:19:38]:
Right. Exactly. Exactly. Which was totally unplanned and and just unplanned. Right? I was not expecting it. So I signed up for the service. Well, Jean had signed up. She had come out of a relationship, and she didn’t know where to go.
Bernie Borges [00:19:52]:
And so she signed up for the service, so she’s in there. And so, I get a card in the mail. This is pre Internet. This is, like, 1985, 86. Mhmm. I get a card in the mail because that’s the way you get notified that someone wants to meet you. So a month goes by because you have to physically go in there to see who’s on the end other end of this card. Wow.
Bernie Borges [00:20:16]:
So a month goes by, and I see who’s on the other end of the card. I’m like, oh, I wanna meet her. So I call her because that’s where once you agree to meet someone, that’s where you get the phone number. And, so I call her, and she was standoffish because I had taken a month to respond. I wasn’t the only guy she said she wanted to meet. Bernie. Right. Right.
Bernie Borges [00:20:39]:
So she had already been on dates with every other guy she said she wanted to meet. So I charmed her, if you will. Right? I so we got we went on a first date, which was a disaster, which is another story. And I’m not gonna tell that story. Not that it’s embarrassing. It’s it’s embarrassing because I was kind of a a jerk. Alright. Here’s the story.
Bernie Borges [00:20:59]:
The story quick on the first date. We went to a be a beach on a Sunday afternoon, and after about 3 hours, I said, hey. It’s time to go. I need to go home and iron my shirts. I had a ritual of ironing my shirts on Sunday night for the whole week. So I said to her, like, I gotta go home and iron my shirts. So she goes home and tells her roommate, like, well, I guess I’m not gonna see that guy again. He wanted to go home and iron his shirts versus hanging out with me.
A Lee Judge [00:21:26]:
Well, at least we know how the story ends. Like Right. You got married. Right? And you have kids too. Right?
Bernie Borges [00:21:33]:
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So Amanda Tell us about
A Lee Judge [00:21:35]:
them. Mhmm.
Bernie Borges [00:21:36]:
Yeah. So Amanda is, 30 3. At the time of this recording, she and her husband, James, live in Connecticut. They have a beautiful 1 year old daughter. So our granddaughter, at the time of this recording, we just celebrated her first birthday. We went there for that. And they’re they’re an awesome couple. My son-in-law has his own construction business.
Bernie Borges [00:21:58]:
And she works believe it or not, she works in content marketing. She used to do sports reporting, and I really thought she was on that career track. And then COVID just kinda tanked the whole sports industry, and she pivoted. And now she’s doing content marketing and digital marketing. She loves it. So, so so we got I’ve got Amanda and then Derek. He’s 28. He and Nicole got married when they were 21.
Bernie Borges [00:22:23]:
And even at this young age, they already have a 4 year old son, a 2 year old son, and at the time of this recording, we’re 2 weeks away from their daughter being born. So we’re gonna have, they’re gonna have a 3rd child. We’re gonna have our second granddaughter. They live in Pennsylvania. So I’ve got my son and daughter-in-law and family in Pennsylvania, and my daughter and her her husband and and and my granddaughter in Connecticut, so they’re both up north. My wife and I live in Florida. And, no, we’re not moving up north, Lee. That’s not gonna happen.
A Lee Judge [00:22:55]:
We’re already a a snowbird. Right? You’re a permanent snowbird in Florida.
Bernie Borges [00:22:59]:
Exactly. Exactly.
A Lee Judge [00:23:00]:
So we’ve got a clear picture, Bernie, from from your parents now to your grandchildren. So what is the thread through all that? What are some of the lessons that you’ve learned from your parents, from your your rich life to from your fulfilled life, I should say, that you’re passing on to your kids and to your grandchildren?
Bernie Borges [00:23:22]:
Yeah. You know, there’s there’s kind of a 2 part answer to that, Lee. There’s all of the the values that were instilled in me at a young age, from my parents, and the community where I grew up, like I said, Queens, New York, you know, which was very family centric. And so family first. Right? And I don’t think that’s unique to me, but nonetheless, very anchored for me in in my life. And then in my mid thirties is when I came to faith. I I had I was agnostic. I wasn’t atheist.
Bernie Borges [00:23:59]:
You know, I a true atheist is one who just feels that there is no god. I I was not an atheist, but I certainly didn’t have god in my life. And I I accepted God in my life. I accepted Jesus in my life, at the age of 37. And it wasn’t like a single moment thing, you know, like, somebody like in the bible, Paul gets knocked off his horse. Right? It wasn’t like that. It was it was something that I like to say that I gave myself permission to just check it out. Like, literally, just like, what’s this all about? So that was a turning point for me, and that was sort of the icing on the cake of all the the morals and values that were instilled in me at a young age.
Bernie Borges [00:24:40]:
So then, I could just kind of take all that and and just live my life according to those values and my faith. And a lot of people who are strong in their faith are very comfortable talking about it openly. And I’m not uncomfortable, but I don’t do it a lot. And I think it’s because I I don’t want anyone to ever feel like I’m, like, pushing my faith on them, you know, or thinking any differently about them if they have a different either faith or no faith or what whatever, you know, it may be. So I I would never in a bazillion years deny it, but in response to your question, it’s those two things, you know, it’s like the the foundation was the values for my family and the local community that was family centric. And then you have to fast forward a few decades because it was really age 37 where I made that decision. Like I said, I gave myself permission to, quote, unquote, check it out. And then I came to that decision, and then it’s really changed my life since then.
A Lee Judge [00:25:47]:
And that’s something that you and I connected on recently, and I I didn’t know that about you until I got to know you a bit more. And it it helps explain some of the things and some of the ways that you you behave. And I and part of that what what I mean is that you expressed that you have faith, you have your religion, but you’re still very considerate of others, when expressing your religion. And the truth is in every religion, there are different degrees of how much a person practices or how much they respect other religions. Like, some people are so heavy into their own religion, they can’t respect others’ religion. So I think it says a lot about you to first speak of your religion, but at the same time, speak of your acceptance and respect for others and and their beliefs. And so, you know, I think about the the 5 pillars you have here of the Midlife Fulfilled podcast, health, fitness, career, relationships, legacy. So we’ve talked about legacy a bit and relationships, a little bit about your career.
A Lee Judge [00:26:50]:
So let’s let’s talk about the health and the fitness part, and I wanna start the that part by a story that where you touched me that you didn’t know made a difference with me. We were at a conference, probably the last time we saw each other at CEX, I think it was. It was one of the breaks between the sessions, and we all had a little small plate of, I guess, snack, whatever, between sessions. We had our snacks. And you and I and a couple other gentlemen were standing at a table talking to each other. I think it was 4 of us. And we’re talking about, you know, health and how we’re maintaining each other and everything. And I noticed as you all were talking about your health, I was probably the heaviest one of the 4 there, the least fit looking one out of all of us.
A Lee Judge [00:27:36]:
I also realized you were all eating apples, and I was reaching for a cookie. I’m like, okay. Maybe that’s why, Bernie, even you know, there there’s a a real age versus a your body’s age, and I’ll say your your body’s age is probably about 20 years younger than mine, and I could see why. And you mentioned in that moment, aside from demonstrating that you’re eating, you’re conscious about what you eat, because you also had a cookie in the in the snack box, but you chose the apple instead. You also mentioned that you were religious about working out, and then if you miss a workout, your day just isn’t the same. So tell us about your your your your workout regimen and what that means to your overall life.
Bernie Borges [00:28:22]:
Yeah. So there’s a story there, which I’ve also shared on the podcast many episodes ago. So I’m gonna take you all the way back to New York. Remember that story I told you, Lee, about going to college at night? Well, during that 5 year season in my life, in my twenties, early twenties, All I had time for was go to work, go to school, and by the way, this was in Manhattan. At the end of the school night, I’d get on a subway and go to my apartment and basically crash, eat and crash. I had no time to work out. And working out at that point in my life just wasn’t even a thing. It wasn’t important to me.
Bernie Borges [00:29:01]:
So I graduate. And after I graduate, I’m celebrating. I’m happy. Like, I achieved this thing. It took 5 years, which at the time felt like forever, if you can just imagine that. So what did I start doing after I graduated? I started partying a lot, meaning I started going out with my friends after work. And, what do you do? You’re eating stuff, you know, you’re having a few beers or whatever. So, one day, I wake up in the middle of the week, a Wednesday or Thursday, and I look myself look at myself in the mirror shirtless, and I don’t like what I see.
Bernie Borges [00:29:36]:
I don’t like my physique. A little bit of a a little bit of a pouch in my belly. No muscle tone. And I’m 24, maybe 25 at the time. Did not like what I saw. And in that moment, Lee, it literally this is one of those rare moments in my life. I kid you not. This is a true true story.
Bernie Borges [00:29:58]:
It was a moment, literally a moment, like a switch went off in my head and I said, that’s it. Done. From that moment forward, did not go out at night after, work. I went I joined a gym. Started working out. And I changed my eating habits because the 2 go together. Mhmm. And I have been devoted to working out since that moment at age 24 or 25.
Bernie Borges [00:30:24]:
Wow. And to this day, I work out 5 days a week. I do it early in the morning. I’ve been working out early in the morning for decades. And as you said, if I miss a workout, I I don’t like it, and it impacts the way I feel.
A Lee Judge [00:30:40]:
Each time you and I talk, it’s a reminder for me, and I’m doing better. And, you know, that’s a that’s a testament to who you spend time with and who you talk to. Every little bit that you talk to someone, any conversation can positively affect your life. And even when I was on your on your show, I always say I owe you a check for therapy because just talking to you and the questions you asked felt like I went through therapy. But each time we talk also, you leave me leave me with a little bit of encouragement, to to be better and to help myself live a more fulfilled life. But, you know, I slip sometimes. So whenever you’re into your workout and you’re religious about what you eat, if you have a chance to slip, what is your favorite food? What is your guilty pleasure to eat when you allow yourself to let your guard down?
Bernie Borges [00:31:34]:
So it would have to be carrot cake, but I’m at a point where I rarely give myself permission to do it. Notice the words I chose. I I rarely give myself permission to do it. So in July, I had a birthday. You know, we say we had birthdays if we have more than one birthday. In July, my I had my birthday. It was my birthday. And my wife bought me a piece of carrot cake.
Bernie Borges [00:31:57]:
And I said, honey, why’d you do that? I don’t wanna eat that. Even though I wanna eat that, I don’t wanna eat that, if you know what I mean. Mhmm. And so what I did was I ate it across 5 days, like
A Lee Judge [00:32:08]:
a couple
Bernie Borges [00:32:08]:
of bites a day.
A Lee Judge [00:32:10]:
That’s discipline. That’s extreme discipline. But I’m guessing your cravings also aren’t what they would be if you, you know, ate those kind of things regularly.
Bernie Borges [00:32:22]:
Right. Right. Yeah. You know, something that has been conditioned into my my brain, my way of thinking, just my life, my lifestyle is if I’m working out 5 days a week and then I was to choose to not eat well, it would be like sabotaging the work that I’m putting in in the workout. Mhmm. It’s counterproductive. So, again, what I learned many many years ago is that the discipline of working out routinely, consistently, week after week after week after week is great motivation to eat well because you don’t wanna undo the results that you’re getting.
A Lee Judge [00:33:09]:
That that’s a a recipe for success right there. Exactly. And so speaking of success, we have several. I mean, I I would say success in in family, spiritual growth, your health, career. That’s what I see as someone who knows you. Now you tell me, though, what defines success to you for you?
Bernie Borges [00:33:35]:
So everything you just said, for sure. I count my blessings all the time. I I pinch myself. You know, I’ve been married 37 years to beautiful adult children with 3 soon to be 4 beautiful grandchildren. I’ve had a modestly successful career. I say modestly because, you know, I’ve been gainfully employed. I had my own business for 15 years, and it wasn’t fabulously successful. But for 15 years, you know, it it paid the bills.
Bernie Borges [00:34:05]:
I employed a few people. I would say in the 5 pillars, career is the one that I am still not fully fulfilled in. Lee, as you know, I close every episode by saying if you’re 80% fulfilled, you’re doing great. Because the reason I say that is because if you’re fulfilled in 4 out of the 5 pillars, that’s 80%, and that’s great. So the reason that I’m not totally fulfilled in my career yet is because my 15 year business didn’t end the way I wanted it to. It didn’t end in a in a celebration. It didn’t end in what I would call a success. And so I live with that.
Bernie Borges [00:34:45]:
And so I now I’ve been working on the Midlife Fulfill podcast as being foundational to a new chapter in my career, even though I’m in my mid sixties, which means nothing to me, by the way, in terms of career aspirations. I just have this aspiration. And I really want to take this into the next chapter of my career, and I wanna offer businesses, ways to, really motivate their employees to get fulfillment that can really help them not only enjoy their life, but also enjoy the work that they do. And I wanna put on events as well. You know, you and I, as you said, you and I see each other at conferences a few times a year, and I have a vision for putting on conferences, events around this topic of fulfillment. I have a vision of branding myself as the fulfillment architect, and and consequently being someone that can come into a business and architect the fulfillment strategy for the employees in their business. And so this is it’s that one pillar, that career pillar where I still have this vision, this passion that I wanna unleash into, into the world. And it has nothing to do with all the other things we’ve been discussing because those are fantastic.
Bernie Borges [00:36:01]:
That’s where I say that, you know, I’ve got that 80%. Right? 4 out of 4 out of 5, I feel pretty good. Even legacy, I feel pretty good. But I still have this one thing, Lee, I wanna do in my career, and it’s a passion of mine. And, and I I really feel like, it can be done.
A Lee Judge [00:36:17]:
Well, I think this is a good place to to wrap this up, Bernie, because you you said your your your key phrase about being 80%, and you said that you are 80% fulfilled. So let’s end with this. If someone’s listening to the show right now and they’re not sure if they’re quite at their 80%, Maybe they are and don’t know it. Maybe they’re beyond it, but don’t give themselves credit for it. What advice would you give someone who is trying to find a way to become and feel more fulfilled?
Bernie Borges [00:36:52]:
Okay. So I’m gonna have to give you the short version because, as the host, you said we’re gonna end it here. We can do a whole episode on that, but I’m I’ll give you the short version to respect, your role as the host of this episode. It has to do with self awareness, Lee, self awareness. And self awareness in the context of your question of how does someone understand how to find fulfillment is look at your life through the the lens of the 5 pillars. Don’t look at your life as one big ocean to try to boil and just say I need more fulfillment in my life. No. Look at your life through the 5 pillars.
Bernie Borges [00:37:28]:
Like I’ve said, the career pillar is the one where I still lack fulfillment. I know what I wanna do is the next chapter, and I haven’t done it yet, so therefore, it’s not yet a fulfillment for me. So look at your life through the 5 pillars, and then understand where you lack fulfillment. And by the way, it’s not a zero sum game. It’s not like you need to be fulfilled 100% in each one of them. But if you’re generally fulfilled in any of the pillars, it’s where you’re least fulfilled, where you can become self aware. And then and then here’s the next step. Understand what your values are in life as well as in each pillar, and then correlate your values and and your current state of fulfillment, and see how big the gap is.
Bernie Borges [00:38:19]:
And then put an action plan to address that gap between your values and your fulfillment in each of those pillars. Again, we can go deeper, but just to, you know, kinda wrap it there and and and, be be succinct.
A Lee Judge [00:38:35]:
Well, that that’s a good piece of advice, Bernie. I know those who listen to the show are able to learn and get closer to that 80% every episode. So I wanna thank you for your ability to be vulnerable and be the guest on your own show to let us know more about you. So any parting words?
Bernie Borges [00:38:55]:
Well, thank you for hosting. I’ve really, really enjoyed this, but please give give us a shout out on you, a little bit about you, how people can connect with you. Look. I invited you to to host this because you are the one person that I wanted to do this, and I’m I’m grateful that you did it. But tell the listener a little bit about you.
A Lee Judge [00:39:12]:
Well, you know, as I said earlier, I I feel like I owe you anyway anyway because of the the therapy I received for free when you, interviewed me. But, so Bernie and I met. We’re both speakers, and we met, I think in Content Marketing World. I have an agency called Content Monster, m o n s t a, and we focus on creating content for businesses. And, you know, my story has been coming up through corporate as a marketer, wanting to create an agency that did the things that the agencies I were I was hiring didn’t do. And my background, as Bernie mentioned on the episode or pulled out of me, I should say on the episode, I was also a DJ in an earlier career. So I had this creative life I was able to bring together into my corporate life, and the creative versus plus the marketing, and that allowed me to become, as Bernie like I said, pull out of me in therapy to be more fulfilled, to be a marketer who’d still gets a chance to do creation. As you if you’re watching video, you’ll see a high on the screen as a word create.
A Lee Judge [00:40:18]:
My fulfillment was to be able to create, and I think I learned that about myself on what was it? Episode, 39. 39 of Midlife Fulfilled Podcast. So I will let you off the hook now, Bernie. Thank you for having me as the host on your show. And as you always say, if you’re 80% fulfilled, then you’re doing great.
Bernie Borges [00:40:40]:
Thank you, Lee. Thank you, Bernie.
